Christ will always be kind to us.

I've been struggling the last few months feeling that because of somethings missing in my life that life was unfair and that I deserved to be able to hold onto some things that weren't making me happy. I was informed two or three times that I needed to let it go, that life becomes what I look for. So I started looking for the good and tracking the successes that were coming. But it still wasn't enough, I felt like if I just let everything go and choose only to see the good, that there would be an injustice perpetuated in my life. Because if I just let things go, then there would still be underlying issues and I would just be burying what was really going on and it would come up again and again. I couldn't see how things would change if behavior stayed the same.

Then I realized behavior could change, mine. This week as I was sitting in the temple contemplating on a mistake I had made a year earlier and that still haunted me, wondering how in the world I could fix it, the Lord asked me, why are you still holding onto this? Why are you beating yourself up for something outside of your control? I created the world, I gave you direction, don't you think I can fix it in my way and my time? And I finally realized, though my behavior hasn't changed, I am still inclined to look before I leap and go head long into things, the Lord had forgiven me because I asked. He took care of it, even knowing I will make more mistakes in the future.

I have been wondering for the last few months why the Spirit felt so far away, why I felt so cut off from heaven. This week I finally realized it is because I had been holding onto my anger at perceived injustice and heaven cannot coincide with anger. When I felt how simply my Savior could forgive and make right my mistake, even knowing I would make another mistake and another. Feeling His love reach out to me, realizing that His sacrifice bridged the injustice I perpetrate everyday with my humanness I realized I didn't want to hold on to that anymore. And so I decided that perhaps looking at the good wasn't allowing injustice to go on in perpetuity, in seeking, counting and numbering the good I was allowing myself to become more like my Savior. I chose love, I chose the good, I chose to see with rose colored glasses and in doing so, guess what happened, reality became more rose colored. So much of what we get in this life is what we put into it in the first place. When I finally chose to let my anger go, I let the Spirit back into my life and the grudge I held onto melted away. Once that grudge was gone things began to change. Because I brought the positive, I got the positive. And I feel I should say things feel better now than they have in months. There is nothing to gain in anger.


Our Father in Heaven will never force us, He isn't one for ultimatums or shaming, but He will entice us, invite us, gently lead us to where we are our best selves. This has been a long journey in coming and I have a feeling there are many steps yet to take. But no matter how long the journey, knowing our Savior walks with us hopefully makes the journey a joy, not a terror. His mercy is endless and His hope for us is as bright today as it was in pre-earth life when He offered His life a sacrifice. I do know that His mercy is infinite and He longs to help us through the injustices of mortality. With Him we have an eternal advocate. I know He was the Great Jehovah of the Old Testament, the Messiah of the New and I know His Atonement for all of us is infinite, eternal, and always extended our way. Please be kind to yourself and to others, because I know Christ will always be kind to us.