Never Turn Away

True faith is believing God will do what is best for me in His time. I'm afraid I've forgotten that bit of wisdom in the last few months.

This last week as I've been arranging things to head down to Alpine and listen to my mission president and his wife speak I've taken the time to ponder on my mission and the moments that changed my life in Cambodia. For those of you reading this that don't know I came home from my mission early, it wasn't easy nor what I expected from the mission the Lord called me on, but I knew his hand was in it, so I did it. I struggled with illness for two months as I tried to fulfil my missionary duties, help in companionship planning and be an all around friendly person. After being sent to Thailand for an MRI that showed us nothing conclusive Pres Moon called me into his office and said "Chi Dao, we need to figure out what to do with you, you can't keep going on like this," mind you this is after he found me slumped on the floor with my head leaning on a couch at his house. That weekend we fasted to know what I needed to do. Through that weekend I warred with myself between wanting to stay despite the headaches, versus wanting to go home so my companion could be a proselyting missionary again. At the end of that weekend I knew without a doubt that Heavenly Father needed me somewhere else and my time in Cambodia and my time with a name tag had come to an end. It was so hard to leave, but I knew that it was right and though I had my own ideas about why I was going home, which all proved incorrect I might add ;-), I still know I went where I needed to be, even though it wasn't what I wanted or expected.

As I shared that experience with a friend I wondered, why don't I feel that way anymore? Why can't I feel direction that same way again, to just know that what I felt directed to do was right and that it came from Heavenly Father. And I realized that has more to do with me, than it has to do with Heavenly Father. He's giving me the answers I'm seeking, but I'm struggling to trust Him, hence a lack of sureness.

His words and comfort withstand the vagaries of life, my trust in Him needs to do the same.  When I served in Cambodia my whole life, every aspect was dependent on having the Spirit and following it. Now that I live a life that can range from mundane on some days when I can run on auto-pilot, to cry my eyes out begging the heavens for help, I need to be doing those things everyday that ensures the Spirit is my constant companion and then accept the comfort when it comes instead of saying "yeah but". It is so easy to contradict what we feel, by what we see in the moment, I promise what we feel in our heart has a lot more truth and should have a lot more weight in our lives.

We truly can find peace and comfort in this life if we turn to Christ and never turn away.



For further reading see Elder Quentin L Cook's talk:
The Lord is My Light
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/the-lord-is-my-light?lang=eng#watch=video