Sometimes we Stretch Ourselves

Another Thanksgiving has come and gone already...this really has felt like a vanishing year for me. Yet there is a whole lot of life experience packed in the midst of the quickness of the passing days. As I mentioned last week I feel I've been facing a lot of repeats that I thought I had already "conquered" so to speak, yet here they are and they still make me squirm a bit. But I guess in the big scheme of things squirming versus complete despair and melt down really is an improvement. Which really is an encouraging thought, so then I think perhaps I have more figured out then I thought I did. Many times this week, many more times than I care to count, the thought entered my mind, "you know what, this is easier than it used to be, way to go, maybe things won't be so bad..." If you ever really want to invite more opposition into your life just say things are going better than expected. Now when I say this I don't mean it in a negative way, I just mean that life is meant to stretch us and about the time we say we've figured something out something more stretching needs to come along so that we can keep stretching and growing.

Last week my message referenced that this life is a test and as I just said this life is meant to stretch us. Often this will mean experiences enter into our lives to give us those stretching moments, so at those times we buckle up and keep moving forward. Yet sometimes we are invited into growing moments by our own volition, not because of circumstances.

Sometimes as we face a trial or new circumstances we can become complacent as we see that something that used to tear at our heart is now simply a minor inconvenience or as we have incorporated a new routine or are working to a new goal we feel we have stretched ourselves and can thus wait while others catch up. But as I have discovered that isn't how this works. If we are not progressing then we are regressing. On occasion the Lord invites us to take stock of our situation and see how we think we are doing. He wants us to work with Him to see how we might grow and improve. It is so important to have a perspective of consistent forward progress. It is a delightful thing to reach a goal or to see something come to fruition in our lives and have a sense of satisfaction in having completed a task and having done it well. Yet after breathing that in for a moment and enjoying it, then it is time to take it to the Lord and ask how we can improve upon that success and ask what it is that we can be striving for next. It is not mete to be commanded in all things and what a blessing and gift that sometimes Heavenly Father allows us the privilege to stretch ourselves. It is a dangerous thing to believe that we have learned all that we need to or have completed that part of our journey. Heavenly Father needs a prepared people, sometimes He sends things to prepare us and sometimes He is hoping that we are listening and asking what we can do more to make those steps closer to Him and His purposes.
    It is a blessing and gift to be able to reach a point where select trials and tribulations are easier to cope with than they used to be. It is an even greater blessing and gift that upon realizing that we keep seeking to learn and grow and to extend ourselves to keep learning and keep seeking light and knowledge.

There will be peace

Sometimes life just hurts, I'm sure I've said this before and I'm sure I will say it again, so lest I become like a broken record I need to add to this message tonight, though really what I am feeling is that life just hurts.

I'm sure that this isn't news to anyone, it isn't new to me in my brief (yet full) life experience and I'm sure that it isn't new to anyone who has had much more life experience than myself, but I somehow thought that because of the many things the Spirit has been teaching me that somehow mortal life would no longer have its bite, but that isn't how it works. No matter how much we level up in our knowledge and experience mortality can still hurt, this is because this life offers us opportunities to progress to prepare for eternity and leveling-up once isn't enough preparation. I'm afraid I'm not explaining this very well.

This life has been specifically designed to help us reach who we are meant to be, and when I say that I don't mean who we think we can be, I mean who Heavenly Father thinks we can be and that is an entirely different story. Now I've mentioned spiral progression before, but what can be more disheartening is not spiral progression, but plain cyclical progression when you think you've conquered something only to realize that it still bugs you and you still don't handle that particular upset as well as you know you should.

This has been a painful week for me in more ways than one. A dear uncle passed away last week and though in the moment I had all the eternal perspective I could hope for in the moment, since then it has settled in that though I will see him again there are still many miles to go before that can happen and it is the in between miles that are the painful ones. And though I also believe and know of a Spirit world that is very close to this one and of loved ones beyond the veil that really aren't that far away, sometimes I just really miss mortal hugs.

We received the news a few weeks ago that my husband, due to infections in most of his teeth, would need to have them all removed and he would need to get implants to preserve his jawbone health and so that he can chew. Though I am Very grateful for the wonders of modern medicine that gives him hope for teeth even once all of his are gone and I am very grateful for family members who are glad to assist this in this adventure, I am still scared and concerned for this process, even though I am not the one having all of my teeth removed. I know it will be a painful process both physically and psychologically and so far I'm afraid I have not been handling well what I know is to come.

Sometimes the human heart can be a very dark place as we wrestle with fears, frustrations, anger, resentment and grief, especially because grief over the loss of a loved one or the loss of a loved one we had not yet met can pluck at the heartstrings but be disguised with so many other emotions. Sometimes because of the vagaries of life we feel we are isolated in our version of our grief and frustration, we feel frustration because those around us cope by going internally when our grief needs external expression. Sometimes we can hate ourselves for our selfish pettiness and sometimes we feel lost in a maelstrom of loneliness, regret, frustration and fear. And sometimes the knowledge we have of a loving Heavenly Father and a Savior who understands our pain doesn't help because all of these emotions and the entities that love to stir them up to even greater heights have clouded our vision and blocked our ability to feel that love and to have hope that it truly will be okay again. It isn't an intellectual doubting, it is simply a lack of feeling when that feeling of peace is what we need most. Sometimes we can spend hours in prayer and still find no relief, we are still angry, we are still frustrated, we still feel trapped by circumstances and no that we are truly powerless to change circumstances or force the agency of someone else.

What do we do in these moments? Well we can try self-pity, but as one who has tried that a lot this last week I suggest there is a better option, there is a Savior willing to take our burdens, but it requires that we are willing to set those burdens down. It requires us to ask for help using the tools we know we have. Now this takes me back to where I started in the beginning. No matter how much we know mortality can still be painful, no matter our testimony things can still take our breath away and leave us gasping for breathe. Not because we don't have a testimony, but because that testimony must be stretched in order for us to grow, because sometimes pain does last through the night, because we are held accountable to our greater knowledge and we must use it, even when we are tired and really just want to curl up into a little ball. As we seek to progress, to learn and to grow, trials of greater and greater size will come to us, because we have chosen the path of becoming like our Savior, if we are to follow the Son of God who descended below all things we too must be willing to descend below all things, but our gift is that we know we do not descend alone. As we seek to become the divine that is within us, we must change the parts of our DNA that reside in the natural man realm. As we seek to become all that the Father is our nature must change, at that happens at the very fabric of our existence, this isn't easy and as a dear friend told me tonight there will always be opposition, partly because of the telestial realm in which we live and partially because Satan doesn't want more beings of light in this telestial sphere, he wants us milling around in darkness, not ascending to the skies, gaining the attributes and the ability to call down the powers of heaven in our behalf.

This life is meant to test and try us, there will be moments of darkness, there will be moments of fear, frustration, sadness and there will always be need for forgiveness, yet when we hold to our Savior, when we lay our burdens at His feet (when we consciously work to give Him the ouch and the soul searing pain), our life will not magically become easy, but it will become bearable and there will be peace and I can do so very much when I have peace.

Not just this life

 

I'm struggling tonight, I'm struggling tonight because this life matters so very much, but it feels like most people are in sleep walking mode. They are content with surface answers they have given or heard a thousand times throughout their life time of lessons on four year loops. I'm so tired of hearing that I should share the Gospel and questions about how to do it, but never the doctrine of why we do it ( now keep in mind, I have nothing against the idea of being a member missionary and sharing Heavenly Father's love with His children. In fact for the first time in my life I feel like I'm having opportunities to share the Gospel in ways I've never had before and it is a joy). My struggle is that we should be talking about the why, that as the covenant house of Israel we made covenants before we came to this life to share what we know now, as the covenant house of Israel in this life we know that we shared the Gospel and mission of the Savior with all those around us in pre-earth life as we fought the war in heaven. As the covenant house of Israel we have promises that we can live with Christ in Zion, but we must do our part to prepare the world and part of that preparation comes in changing our hearts as we serve and share.


Having each day felt the urgency of the return of our Savior growing stronger, realizing that the forces of darkness are growing more and more overt in their portrayals of what is mainstream and acceptable and in what the world tells us we are okay to do. Seeing scenes from Sodom and Gomorrah play out in our media and on the street I can't help but wonder just how much time we have left and so I struggle when we face Sunday School the same way we have for years. In my mind Sunday School has always been a place where we study the scriptures to learn how to prepare for the scenes playing out around us. Yet more and more I feel like the last two hours of the church block are to placate us in our current course of life instead of calling us to action and calling us to become and to do more than we currently are. Yes I realize that change can be hard and sometimes even a bit painful, but I would choose to work with the Lord to level up instead of going contrary to Him and place myself where the adversary has easier access to mess with me.

We talk so much about this life as if this life is the only thing that matters, that all we do ends once we leave this life and that eternal things will only matter once we get to the eternal realms. I wish we understood that this life is just one stage of a much bigger play that we are in, that if we choose to learn things of eternal significance here, we will be much better placed once we enter that eternal sphere, that the things we learn here and prepare for in this life will improve our spiritual character as we move to the next stage of our immortal progression.

I was reminded this morning just how fragile mortal life can be. For perhaps just the second or third time in my life death has touched me in a more personal way. My grandfathers died before I was born or before my memory extends and though many great uncles died and an older sister in my ward died, they all seemed to have finished their journey in this life and were very ready (having received all their credits needed to graduate from this mortal life) to move to the next and it was a gift for them to go. But tonight I ponder on a dear friend that died, someone that though I had only entered their life five years ago when I married into their family, embraced and supported me as their own, in fact once he found out when I wrote my blog he'd be on every Sunday night or Monday morning to read it. We got closer over the last year as I got more comfortable opening up and realized we had a lot of shard life experience. As I went through my struggles this last winter he shared with me his own struggles of trying to help those struggling with depression and I can only think, now that he has been released from his mortal tabernacle, perhaps he can be a help to them in a way he couldn't be before.

What is the purpose of this life if it can be so fragile and end so quickly? What is the point of all this mortal life suffering and tribulation? If we only ever few it in the context of I now pray better than I used to or I have more empathy (both very good things) if that is as far as it goes we have missed it. We are in this mortal experience to learn deeply about ourselves, deeply about our Savior and learn more keenly about a spiritual character that is only revealed in the climb and struggles of this life. Not only is this life not the end, but the next life isn't the end either (it is called eternity to eternity for a reason), just as pre-earth life came before this earth, and this life comes before the next, there is an eternity after the next life and we just keep growing and improving through each step as we strive to become more like Heavenly Father and then more like who ever Heavenly Father is working to become like. (Just as Lorenzo Snow once said "As man now is, God once was: “As God now is, man may be" God is also working to become something that once we become like God we can become that too). 

This life matters so very much and can be so very fragile, what if instead of viewing this life as just another thing we have to do, we view it as a critical piece to our eternal progression and we are empowered to know that we have many who are invested in us and our efforts and there is a much bigger universe out there than we ever imagined. This life is not just average or hum drum it is important training for the worlds to come and the better we face and handle experiences here the more prepare to be a help and a blessing in the world to come.

Now this knowledge doesn't magically make this life easier, nor does it take away the pain of losing loved ones or facing struggles, but if things didn't break our hearts in this life we would never be ready and able to receive the glories that await us, we wouldn't be ready to become like our Savior and our Father who have faced all of mortality and now succor us in our mortality.

Please oh Please Embrace It

Wow! There is so much that I would like to talk about tonight, there is something amazing about receiving knowledge, first it makes you want to share it, then you get more and want to share more. Well this last week I learned a lot and want to share a lot, so I hope that you will be guided by the Spirit to know what you need in your life and that you will be guided to what is written for you.

First off, I would like to offer a word to the carers in the world. those who though they might not be facing a specific challenge such as an illness (whether physical or mental) or facing problems themselves are supporting, encouraging and caring for those who are. I know a little what it is like to live through the dark watches of the night when you have brief respite from the pain of a loved one, only to now have room for your own pain and fear. It will be okay, even if in this moment it doesn't feel it. I love you, your Savior loves you and your Father who is up in Heaven loves you and there is a Heavenly Mother coming to minister to you in your dark watch of the night, when all feels so overwhelming and hopeless. You are known and you are counted as a savior on mount Zion, as one who stuck it out, stuck it through and became some one new in the process. It can be painful at times when it seems the whole world cares for the person you are caring for and hasn't taken a moment to ask how you are and you feel so selfish for feeling that way. It is okay to feel that way, and if you need someone to talk to, please talk to me. We all need a carer and what a gift it is that we are all connected and can all share that role throughout this life. Please in your own dark watches reach out to those who love and care about you (or maybe a stranger blogging about it) we are not meant to face life altering moments alone. And even in the moments when no one else on this earth can possibly understand, our Savior can and He stands ready to embrace you and to help you and the one you are caring for. Be at peace, it will be okay in the end and if it is not yet okay, then it is not yet the end.

Second thought, life is short, as you carers know sometimes it can feel minuscule even. What a sad thing it is that it usually takes tragedy for us to realize just how potent and important embracing life can be. This last week I didn't face tragedy, but I did get a wake up call. For months now I have felt that I wasn't living up to my full potential, I felt that there were things I needed to change in order to reach the next stage of my growth in becoming who the Lord needs me to be, but I was coasting thinking that I would make those changes some other day, tomorrow. But the thing about tomorrow is that it never comes, it is this ephemeral concept that is always in the future, but never in the present and I kept letting it get the best of me. I was lulled into a false sense of security, that I had time for change and time for intention later.

I really love teaching, it is one of my favorite things and teaching the Gospel is even better. I love what I learn when I teach and guess what, I don't have an official calling to teach right now and I was using that as an excuse. Because I was reading a chapter of the Old Testament in the morning and the Book of Mormon I felt like I was doing just fine. What I wasn't letting myself realize is that I was under living. I wasn't living with intention. There wasn't room for growth, for progress, to try new things and be a better person. I thought because I didn't have a lesson to teach, I couldn't learn something teachable without it. Now I want to prepare a lesson a week and pray that someone will come into my path that I can share that lesson with, so we can both learn something new. I also thought that I was in a phase of my life where my learning and trying new things was limited. I have felt very overwhelmed with my job, trying to make healthy choices and being an emotional support to my spouse that I forgot that I could do more, it would however taking planning and effort.

Somehow in our world today we have this false philosophy that things aren't worth effort. We keep developing newer technology that seems to do all the hard stuff for us, a rumba so we don't have to vacuum, a smart phone that has a calendar to remember stuff for me, and smart cars so I don't even have to drive any more. We sell ourselves short when we sell out to technology. I'm not saying that some modern conveniences aren't a beautiful thing, because then they can help us have more time for the important things. The problem is when scrolling through Facebook or watching the latest food network show is the important thing we're doing. I'm not saying these are bad things, it's just I found that they were taking all my time. I didn't have time to clean my house or try something new because they had become my life, instead of an occasional break from the rigors of my life.

These are the last days, as Sis Holland put it, we are in the last days of the latter days, there isn't time to put things off, to let skills remain unlearned and purpose undiscovered. These are the days when Satan is at war for the souls of man, and we are the choice spirits Heavenly Father chose to send to earth at this time and for this work. We cannot expect to idle away our time and then feel fulfilled and purposeful. There is a work that we have been sent here to perform, but we must discover it. As children of the Divine Creator of the universe we have skills and abilities that we don't even understand or grasp yet, but they cannot be discovered by the idler or the coaster, they can only be discovered by the intent discoverer, by the creator who knows they can do so much more. We are living in days never to be forgotten, don't be forgotten. Don't let Satan lull you into a false sense of time, that you are doing enough and all is well.

I wonder what we would do if we knew who we really are. How would our perspective change, how would our desire change? For so long I wanted to change, but I couldn't convince myself that it was worth the effort. Now I realize, it is the only effort truly worth making. This life is but a moment, but it is necessary as we grow and develop through eternity. Our Savior and our Father invites us to live with intent so that we can be who we are intended to be. They invite us to reach our fullest potential, to create and to learn how to be stewards, we can't expect to go from Facebook to world creator in one fell swoop. I like the steward with the five talents in the parable of the talents want to be a good steward so that the Lord knows He can trust me with so much more than just time. I don't want to be a slave to time anymore, I want to be a servant in my Father's house, to bring peace to those who are hurting, to bring love to the lonely and power to the forgotten. I want to be a force for good, not just another rock sitting on the bottom of the river of life. These are the last days, purpose is required. That purpose may come in so many different forms, it will be unique to each of us, but please oh please embrace it.