First off, I would like to offer a word to the carers in the world. those who though they might not be facing a specific challenge such as an illness (whether physical or mental) or facing problems themselves are supporting, encouraging and caring for those who are. I know a little what it is like to live through the dark watches of the night when you have brief respite from the pain of a loved one, only to now have room for your own pain and fear. It will be okay, even if in this moment it doesn't feel it. I love you, your Savior loves you and your Father who is up in Heaven loves you and there is a Heavenly Mother coming to minister to you in your dark watch of the night, when all feels so overwhelming and hopeless. You are known and you are counted as a savior on mount Zion, as one who stuck it out, stuck it through and became some one new in the process. It can be painful at times when it seems the whole world cares for the person you are caring for and hasn't taken a moment to ask how you are and you feel so selfish for feeling that way. It is okay to feel that way, and if you need someone to talk to, please talk to me. We all need a carer and what a gift it is that we are all connected and can all share that role throughout this life. Please in your own dark watches reach out to those who love and care about you (or maybe a stranger blogging about it) we are not meant to face life altering moments alone. And even in the moments when no one else on this earth can possibly understand, our Savior can and He stands ready to embrace you and to help you and the one you are caring for. Be at peace, it will be okay in the end and if it is not yet okay, then it is not yet the end.
Second thought, life is short, as you carers know sometimes it can feel minuscule even. What a sad thing it is that it usually takes tragedy for us to realize just how potent and important embracing life can be. This last week I didn't face tragedy, but I did get a wake up call. For months now I have felt that I wasn't living up to my full potential, I felt that there were things I needed to change in order to reach the next stage of my growth in becoming who the Lord needs me to be, but I was coasting thinking that I would make those changes some other day, tomorrow. But the thing about tomorrow is that it never comes, it is this ephemeral concept that is always in the future, but never in the present and I kept letting it get the best of me. I was lulled into a false sense of security, that I had time for change and time for intention later.
I really love teaching, it is one of my favorite things and teaching the Gospel is even better. I love what I learn when I teach and guess what, I don't have an official calling to teach right now and I was using that as an excuse. Because I was reading a chapter of the Old Testament in the morning and the Book of Mormon I felt like I was doing just fine. What I wasn't letting myself realize is that I was under living. I wasn't living with intention. There wasn't room for growth, for progress, to try new things and be a better person. I thought because I didn't have a lesson to teach, I couldn't learn something teachable without it. Now I want to prepare a lesson a week and pray that someone will come into my path that I can share that lesson with, so we can both learn something new. I also thought that I was in a phase of my life where my learning and trying new things was limited. I have felt very overwhelmed with my job, trying to make healthy choices and being an emotional support to my spouse that I forgot that I could do more, it would however taking planning and effort.
Somehow in our world today we have this false philosophy that things aren't worth effort. We keep developing newer technology that seems to do all the hard stuff for us, a rumba so we don't have to vacuum, a smart phone that has a calendar to remember stuff for me, and smart cars so I don't even have to drive any more. We sell ourselves short when we sell out to technology. I'm not saying that some modern conveniences aren't a beautiful thing, because then they can help us have more time for the important things. The problem is when scrolling through Facebook or watching the latest food network show is the important thing we're doing. I'm not saying these are bad things, it's just I found that they were taking all my time. I didn't have time to clean my house or try something new because they had become my life, instead of an occasional break from the rigors of my life.
These are the last days, as Sis Holland put it, we are in the last days of the latter days, there isn't time to put things off, to let skills remain unlearned and purpose undiscovered. These are the days when Satan is at war for the souls of man, and we are the choice spirits Heavenly Father chose to send to earth at this time and for this work. We cannot expect to idle away our time and then feel fulfilled and purposeful. There is a work that we have been sent here to perform, but we must discover it. As children of the Divine Creator of the universe we have skills and abilities that we don't even understand or grasp yet, but they cannot be discovered by the idler or the coaster, they can only be discovered by the intent discoverer, by the creator who knows they can do so much more. We are living in days never to be forgotten, don't be forgotten. Don't let Satan lull you into a false sense of time, that you are doing enough and all is well.
I wonder what we would do if we knew who we really are. How would our perspective change, how would our desire change? For so long I wanted to change, but I couldn't convince myself that it was worth the effort. Now I realize, it is the only effort truly worth making. This life is but a moment, but it is necessary as we grow and develop through eternity. Our Savior and our Father invites us to live with intent so that we can be who we are intended to be. They invite us to reach our fullest potential, to create and to learn how to be stewards, we can't expect to go from Facebook to world creator in one fell swoop. I like the steward with the five talents in the parable of the talents want to be a good steward so that the Lord knows He can trust me with so much more than just time. I don't want to be a slave to time anymore, I want to be a servant in my Father's house, to bring peace to those who are hurting, to bring love to the lonely and power to the forgotten. I want to be a force for good, not just another rock sitting on the bottom of the river of life. These are the last days, purpose is required. That purpose may come in so many different forms, it will be unique to each of us, but please oh please embrace it.
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