Somehow we will make it through

That moment when you feel empty inside, that moment when you have prayed and prayed and prayed so hard and feel like you got nothing. When you watch someone you love hurting and you pray to know what to say and nothing, that moment when you beg for relief and it feels as if the heavens are closed, the windows bolted shut and God far away. You're sure He has a reason for being distant, but you feel so alone and forsaken. I'm sure we've all seen this quote before, and if not here it is:

And intellectually it makes sense, but it doesn't take the hurt away and it doesn't quite jive with the Atonement either. Instead perhaps it is more like a test where the teacher allows you to have a note card cheat sheet, you can put on all the information you need, yet you wouldn't think of it as asking the teacher for help, even though it was his kindness and suggestive fore thought that helped you get the answers right. Sometimes for whatever reason Heavenly Father doesn't send a clear message that presents the answer to our pleas, sometimes He simply sends the light of Christ into our heart, the strength to keep going, the strength to endure, the strength to maintain our faith that what is today, is not necessarily what will be tomorrow, the faith that He does love us, even though the adversary seems to have a bull horn and the Lord is a whisper from across the stadium. We don't realize the power of faith, until we cannot hear the Lord yet we choose Him still. This life was meant to present us with choices, it was meant to try us to our limits and keep us growing, not so that we would be miserable, but so that we could find strength in faith and trust that even if our answers don't seem to come, that our Father is waiting just out of whisper distance until we've proved to ourselves that we know He is there, that He loves us and somehow we will make it through.

May God Bless Us Everyone

As I'm sure most have already seen the Logan Gardner's have a Christmas tree, a gorgeous wedding color bedecked Christmas tree (Courtney thanks for the great idea). It was so wonderful to get it out of the box, spruce up the branches and fill the holes with bulbs, ribbon and some ornaments from childhood. There is something so soothing about a Christmas tree, both Christopher and I love plugging in the tree, turning off the lights and just bask in the soothing glow. Ever since I was a little girl I have loved being in the presence of a glowing tree, I think that is why I would stay up late over Christmas break and get up so early Christmas morning, it was my time to be quiet on the inside and just enjoy the glow.

Today in sacrament meeting a speaker gave a quote that caught my attention, he shared the story of Desmond Tutu, the Archbishop of South Africa. Bro Tutu was asked what he learned from recovering from Aperthied and how he learned how to forgive and move forward. His words "I learned to shut up more in the presence of Heavenly Father." I was kind of surprised to hear the words shut up over the pupil, but it also caused me to think. We often go to Heavenly Father with wants, concerns, worries, requests, frustrations and just stuff. The speaker likened prayer to a roaring a fire, you don't sit next to the fire to have a conversation, or complain or question, you go to the fire to bask in its warmth and its beauty. Our prayers can be this same way, we can go to the Lord and just enjoy his presence, its like when you walk into the temple and it just feels different, you feel more calm on the inside, more at peace. That is what this Christmas season is about, taking one month out of the year to feel that peace and share it. Perhaps Heavenly Father gave us the celebration of Christmas at the darkest time of the year, so we would turn on our Christmas tree lights and bask in the glow, be reminded of the amazing gift that was given. We could look at the history and the pagan holidays and a bunch of everything, but ultimately Christmas in December is a gift, when the sun isn't shining we are reminded of the star that shown proclaiming Christ's birth, when the sun isn't shining we see the lights on the evergreen and are reminded of the light of Christ that will never go out, when we see garlands on doors and smiles on faces we are reminded of the joy of the season. I hope this Christmas we remember the wondrous gift that has been given, that we bask in the light of love that is seen in more hearts this time of year than any other, that we might share that love with all those we see and that we might take time out of our day to bask in the glow of the love and light this Christmas day.

Merry Christmas everyone, may God bless us everyone.

The Eternal Gift

I think many of us can think of years past when a teacher or parent has asked us what gift we will give our Savior this Christmas. That is a very powerful question, especially when the world focuses so heavily on what we receive and what electric wonder we can buy a family member to prove to them that we love them. Whatever focus we place on the Savior reminds the gift given many centuries and reminds us what we can return to Him.

Yet this week I was asked a question that rang in my heart and has stayed with me. What can I do to better use the gift Christ has already given to me? My institute teacher said that often people don't want to go to the Savior for help because they don't want to make His suffering worse. When in all actuality Christ has already done the suffering when we refuse his assistance we are simply suffering and hurting over something that was already covered years before, we ourselves as well as Christ hurt, yet find no relief.

I took that question so much to heart because all too often I try to go it on my own. I forget that the Atonement covers pain, a sore heart, loneliness, frustration, anger, sadness and all of the myriad of feelings attached to life. Christ did not just go into that garden to feel the sins of the Ten Commandments, He feels the heart ache of addiction, He feels the heart ache of effort unrecieved, He feels the pain of trying to hard yet still falling short, He feels the pain of being left alone when we so badly need a hug, He knows what it is to feel overwhelmed, to feel that we will always fall short, He knows what it is to feel inadequate, to feel betrayal, to feel exhausted. Christ knew that all of these things and so many others were all apart of this life, He also knew that this life is about finding joy and He knew that without his sacrifice we could not find both. He wants to give us peace, hope and joy, yet He cannot give us these things until we go to him, unless we more fully use the gift he has already given to us.

I have seen a glimpse of nights that never seem to end, of times when I ache to be okay, but see no way to find it, I've seen days of joy seem so short. Our Heavenly Father knew we would be tested within millimeters of our limits, thus a gift, a gift eternally given and infinitely useful, the gift of our Savior is never used up and never too used to still be efficacious.

Our Savior Jesus Christ gave us the ultimate gift, the only moments He suffers are we refuse the gift and think we should do it on our own. For each moment we call on our Father for aid, we learn of the supernal gift of love and we learn to love as our Father loves.

He is There

I have a confession to make, I am having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year, me, the child in my home that got up at 2 a.m every year just to look at the magic of the lights sparkling off of wrapping paper and stocking full to bursting. Now just to be clear, it wasn't about what I was about to get, well maybe when I was little ;-), but it was about the magic of the moment and the joy and anticipation of Christmas. I've kept up that tradition except for a year of flu, Cambodia and a year when Santa had been up way too late for the week prior and needed sleep before wrapping. But just three years out of the very many I can remember is quite a record, even as I hit my twenties it was the one thing I didn't release of childhood. Christmas morning was the thing I looked forward to most as the Christmas season approached.I am so not feeling that they year, whether the realities of being out on my own, wanting to provide something special for my spouse or simply being distracted by work and school and just trying to keep up.

I'm so grateful for my ward's Christmas program last week, to see Mary and Joseph making their way to a cave in a hillside, to place their child in a manger of hay. And I realized that Christ would one day feel Joseph's inadequacy that he couldn't even provide a real bed for his wife and newborn baby, the very Son of God. Christ would feel the labor pains of his mother Mary and feel her concern as she stored up the prophecies of the work her son would one day do. In that scene Christ stood foremost as a divine being that gave up his divine courts above to come to earth to save our souls. Heavenly Father granted us a gift, He loved the earth enough to give one son to make the ultimate sacrifice, not just to die for mankind, but to live and experience pain for them as well. We are known, our Father sent a son who would face anguish for us because He never wanted us to be alone.

It is so easy to be distracted by all the stuff, things we think we need to do, traditions we think we need to establish, shopping that has to be done or .... insertt concern here. Today in testimony meeting a little boy stood at the microphone and said something that went right to my heart, "I love Jesus" that is what this season is all about, learning to love Jesus here as we loved him before coming to earth. It is remembering that Heavenly Father gave the first gift of Christmas, He made manifest his love for us first. And He gives us so many miracles to remind us He is there.

Life is too short

This Thanksgiving weekend most definitely did not turn out as I was expecting. It started out well enough with getting some extra hours at work and getting some really good deals at Smith's, yet by the time I got home I was one grumpy lady. As my husband says, when I come in the door barking he knows there's trouble. What still makes me sad is that I didn't notice until hours later and I couldn't figure out why he was so distant. It took until 11 pm to finally sort everything out, talk through everything and for us to be okay. That night as I cried alone in my bedroom my heart hurt to think about the pain I had caused my kind hearted husband and how I had set the wrong tone in my house. I had opened our home to negative influences because I contribute to the spirit of my home. We have so much control over what happens in our home and I don't think we realize it enough. We control how we feel based on what we bring into our home and what we invite inside through media and emotions. Wednesday I learned that if I come home angry, whether I consciously make the choice or not that spirit reverbrates in my home and changes how I interact with the people I love. We do have a choice. Now I realize that we can't always control everything that comes out of our mouth, but I do know that what we focus on in our thoughts will at some point come out of our mouth. If we want to say positive things then we need to dwell on positive things in our thoughts. Sometimes things will just come out, sometimes we say things we instantly regret, the key is to apologize as soon as we feel that regret. Don't let the negativity keep growing. Don't let what you said grow a wedge between you and those you love.

Just because we can't unsay what comes out of our mouth, we can restore peace and harmony by saying and showing that we are sorry. The power of the Atonement can heal any hurt, but the longer the hurt lasts the harder it is to forget about it. So when something negative comes out do not waste time or bow to pride and wait to say you're sorry. Life is too short to let hurt last any longer than it takes to say I'm sorry.

More than We Realized We Could Be

Stake Conference today elicited some interesting ideas, now if I finish this post it means I haven't been struck by lightning and this is a message we all need to be reminded of. Or just that Heavenly Father is storing up his lightning for more pressing causes, either way ;-).

I believe we have this misconception about the relationship between justice and the Atonement or justice and grace. I know in my own mind I feel like I have to live up to a certain expectation of goodness or number of good deeds before I can pray for help. I need to have a certain number of hours of scripture study, a certain number of hours of house work, a certain number of hours of homework and a certain number of service hours before I can request heavenly help. I need to reach my own expectations of goodness in order to be worthy of divine aid, sadly my expectations for myself is something that as a human being I just can't do myself. I want to be an amazing wife, house keeper, cook, student (with lots of A's) a good student worker, getting two miles a day in walking and always be anxiously engaged in a good cause. What I'm finding is that most days I'm glad when I've done the dishes, had a bit of cuddle time with my awesome spouse and actually read some of the articles needed for classes the next day and got a half a mile in wandering around campus.

With all of these feelings of falling short of where I want to be I am constantly amazed by the tender mercies the Lord sends to me, especially when I'm up late Saturday night writing a paper and reading text books because I was burned out earlier and ended up watching way too much football. In a world of so many distractions it is hard to find the balance between healthy down time and unhelpful time sucks. Yet Heavenly Father understands this mortal existence and He understands we won't always get it right the first time or the second time or the third time. What He does hope for is that we will want to do better and that we will invite Him into the fray. Our God is greater than we give him credit for, He wants so much to help us. We have a Savior who personally knows mortality and personally knows us. He applauds our efforts and desires and wants us to be better. He also knows our limitations and disappointments. He hasn't drawn some line in the sand and expects us to cross it before He'll offer his support. The day He walked into that Garden was the day He yolked himself with us and said, "I will walk with you, I will talk with you and I will never let you go farther afield than I am willing to go too." He is not waiting for perfection, He waits only for desire. He takes and magnifies our efforts and turns us into something more. This doesn't mean I always get three miles in or that I"ll get all A's, but it does mean I'll end up a better person in the end, it means we can all end up as more than we realized we could be.

Closer to Him

I've had this re-occurring thought for the last couple hours, so we'll see where the writing of it takes us.

Who are we to be powerful? Who are we to step up and make a difference? We are simply wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends or seemingly unknown members in our wards. We lead everyday lives with everyday issues, getting homework done, home projects, work deadlines or housework (I think doing dishes just might be the bane of my existence, they just keep multiplying by osmosis, you put them near the sink and the pile keeps getting bigger). We feel so stuck with the duties of life that we wonder if we can even make a difference.

I went to a Mormon women and Authority symposium this week and I received some magnificent insights, but the overall feeling I came away with is that the gender roles in the LDS church are not equal, our roles are not the same, but the importance of those roles are equal and are the same. Giving women the same positions in the church as the brethren don't give us more power, they take us away from our divine sphere and take away from the role men play in God's plan. Heavenly Father didn't make our roles the same because he knew the family and the church needed different strengths and weaknesses in different places to help things role smoothly. Now these roles shouldn't be iron-clad with no flexibility or inter-support help, yet we are truly at our best when we are whole heartedly fulfilling our divine purpose. I'm so thankful for parents who taught me that Heavenly Father has a plan and purpose for me and that I can do great things.

We each have our individual purpose and divine mission, sometimes in the thick of school, work, chores, temple and church callings I feel so overwhelmed, I can't see how I am making a difference. All I see is the many school assignments I fudge or dishes that stay in the sink until they start smelling funky because I feel I am needed elsewhere. Yet it is in those moments when we feel called to somewhere else that we are fulfilling our divine duties. Before coming to this earth we covenanted to do certain things on this earth, we promised we would help serve someone in their time of need and that we would be certain places at certain times. When we are doing the best we can with the time we have and have a heart open to do whatever the Spirit will ask we are powerful, the Lord will magnify our efforts to protect our children, our homes, our work environments and we have the power to change lives. Just because the work we do isn't heart surgery, or running governments or being inspirational speakers doesn't mean that we aren't changing hearts, that we aren't changing how people view the world and that we aren't changing lives for the better, doing the Lord's work in whatever capacity He calls us to will change lives for the better. A mother's love is a powerful thing and the work of the family (whether spouse or child) means coming nearer to our Heavenly Father and we are all seeking to be closer to Him.

Moving Forward Anyway

I am in awe after reviewing my lists of posts and seeing how many views they have received. Due to your continuing support this blog has reached 2150 views. I've been writing this blog for about a year now and wow the journey we have gone on together. As I look at the different posts I see a lot of ideas repeated and reminders of just how cyclical life is. Just as soon as we think we've got a principle conquered it shows up again in a whole new form and we start again. Patience has shown up quite often, a reminder to look for tender mercies, being grateful and maintaining hope just to name a few, all things necessary to keeping the faith and keep moving forward.

Lately I've had something different on my mind, well a whole bunch of something new, but it really all comes down to forgiveness, the Atonement, the temple and that the prophets have a reason and it isn't because they are bigots. Serving in the temple yesterday I realized something in initiatory, we have been given all the blessings we need to be successful in this journey. Heavenly Father blesses us in the temple to be able to face the trials and challenges by strengthening our bodies to match the needs of a temporal world. Heavenly Father has not left us defenseless. The media world is in uproar that the church has lost its way and is destroying the lives of children and many have come forth denouncing the church for being bigots and going against the very principles we preach. I don't believe that is the case, yet no argument I provide will change your mind, what I can say is I know that Heavenly Father loves all His children and that our Savior Jesus Christ is the head of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, He entered a garden and bore our pains and sins, He understands the hurt this life can cause, He understands the paradoxes and confusion, it is not new to Him. He knows we have a limited mindset, yet He does not think less of us, He simply has more empathy. The doctrine of family is based on a man and a woman coming together in bonds of marriage and bringing children into this world, for only a man and a woman have the correct parts to create a child. This power of procreation is an eternal gift and blessing and only those in this union can progress in the next life and continue having spirit children. The plan of salvation isn't just about individual families, it is about the many spirit children on the other side of the veil waiting to come to this life and receive bodies, they are dammed if they never receive a body. Heavenly Father wants all of His spirit children to receive bodies and have the opportunity to become like him. This doctrine isn't about hate or discrimination nor is it about setting out to hurt others, it is about eternal truth. I love people of any denomination or life choice and I say that honestly for I know that God loves them, He created them and gave them agency and hopes so much that we will each use it to return to Him. My heart aches for those who are lost in confusion or misunderstanding or who feel so far from the divine grace of our Saviour Jesus Christ.

There is no such thing as relative truth, there is eternal truth and none of us are perfect. We all fall short of the glory of God and we all need Christ's help to become clean. I know there are a myriad of sins out there and a myriad of ways we can mess up, I have seen up close and personal just how fall we souls can fall and just how deep our Saviour dives to save us, we are never too far away from his grasp, we have never gone too far for His help in our lives. Each soul can change and become different. We don't have to be what we were yesterday and we don't have to stay where we are today, our Father is more willing to forgive than we give Him credit for, the debt is already paid and He knows our hearts, we lived with Him before we came to this life, He knew then and knows now the struggles we will face, He knows we will fall short and He is excitedly waiting to take us in His arms and make the hurt and pain go away. We truly can become clean and purity of intent is the place to start.

I don't know how these two ideas go together, but I know this knowledge can change lives. So often we think this life is just about being fair and if something isn't fair to make it so. Life isn't about fair, it is about understanding that it isn't and moving forward anyway and doing the best we can with what we have. Sometimes we feel unfairly targeted or feel that we face things that no one else can understand, they might not, but that doesn't give us cause to mope, it gives us cause to learn what we can do and be whatever it is we are the best that we can.

Sometimes

Sometimes life doesn't turn out how we expect it to be. Sometimes classes are more overwhelming than we expect, sometimes callings come that we didn't see coming, sometimes marriage is not what tons of Disney movies have portrayed (which we all know, but somehow that still catches us by surprise, and really with movies like Parent Trap and Cinderella what is the stereotype they portray anyway?...but I digress) and sometimes the one frozen Asian dish you just really want isn't on sale or not even at the grocery story you're shopping at. Sometimes we feel lonely in Relief Society and other times unknown just when we really feel isolated and just need someone to pay attention. And sometimes the choir director says they don't need another soprano, just when your heart is longing to sing.

These moments come to all of us at one time or another, tis part of this thing called life. We wouldn't grow, nor learn empathy, or compassion or the value of peace if moments of storminess never entered our clear skies. Heavenly Father understood that greater happiness comes as does perspective when life doesn't necessarily go our way. Sometimes we don't think we have a right to tears when other people are dealing with what seems like bigger things, whether it be a death in the family, cancer or unemployment. We seem to think we need to fit into specific criteria in order to have emotions, this is definitely not the case, sometimes things just hurt. Tears can cleanse a heart and prepare it to learn. Sometimes tears grant us perspective we can't see when we feel so overwhelmed by so many compounded things. I think that Heavenly Father as a perfect being cries with us, even when tomorrow will be all right again, he knows that in this moment it hurts. Never fear to take tears to the Lord or think that your situation isn't good enough to invite Him into it, because He knows what this life can be like and He loves us through it all.

This Journey Called Life

We live in a world where emotions are more than acceptable, where football coaches are seen shouting on the sidelines when a call doesn't go their way and we simply say "oh he's just passionate", we see drivers flipping each other off, not just for being cut off, but when the driver in front doesn't accelerate past the speed limit fast enough and where cyber bullying is one of the biggest cultural problems of our time.

When did we buy into this idea that we can do and say whatever we want and there won't be any consequences, that it is our right to vent our spleen (lose our temper) at anyone and that we won't be harmed by it? Now I have just given some pretty strong examples, what about the smaller ones? Nagging someone for not taking out the garbage, or constantly thinking negative thoughts about those close to us and expecting those ideas not to leave our mouths. Now as my husband and I were talking last night, sometimes we can't control what pops into our thoughts, but we can control what we knowingly invite in and what we chose to entertain. Negative thoughts can be the first step in injuring a relationship with those we love.

I'd like to think that in our pre-mortal life we had a really good idea at what we would face here, maybe not every speeding ticket or C grade, but we agreed and covenanted to certain things that our Heavenly Father knew we would need in this life to learn and grow to become who He needed us to be. He understood what gifts and talents we had developed and would be bringing with us in this life. He knew how those gifts and talents would need to be refined for our divine potential to continue shining through.

So in those moments when we feel frustrated at that one more task we wish someone would do for us, or when we feel lonely, or frustrated that we just can't quite seem to figure something out, be patient, count to ten because what starts as a seed in our mind can wreak havoc on our hearts and lives.

In Phillipians and Colossians Paul talks about being rooted in Christ and rejoicing in the Lord daily. What does that mean in everyday application? Perhaps that we need to remember who is the author and finisher of our faith, He has felt those moments of frustration and pain and He knows how to succor us, He knows how to grant the peace our heart is crying out for, He knows the blessings we've received and knows what those blessings can do in our lives. Let Him help, ask Him to help you count your blessings, allow Him to help you find the good, for there is so much good in this world to find, there is so much beauty and love to be found if we have open hearts to see it.

Society has forgotten the consequences of not controlling our temper and of letting frustration and bitterness grow, don't buy into that, we do more as disciples of Christ when we remember that people are inherently good and that we are all trying in this journey called life.

Blessings beyond Measure

So about a year ago I wrote a blog that asked a question, "what's the matter with being different?" I find myself asking that question once again. As human beings we like to make parameters of what we'd like to call normal, certain things that everybody should do so we think that they fit in and that they are on the right path, specifically with in the church. We sometimes fall prey to this idea that things have to happen a certain way in order to be the perfect LDS family. As a newly married madame I'm learning that all those nice ideas I had about marriage and family life were pretty much just that, nice ideas.

Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't strive for perfection and that we shouldn't have ideals in mind. What I am saying is that we shouldn't judge ourselves too harshly when those ideals don't get put into play. We are all on an individual journey to return to our Heavenly Father so why do we think each journey should look the same, news flash it shouldn't! Our purpose in this life is to learn how to create an atmosphere where the Spirit can be with us and guide us, past that, just about anything can happen. We are also here to know our Father in Heaven here on earth just as we once knew Him in our pre-earth life. We will mess up sometimes, we will become distracted, we will feel lonely, we will feel like we are sticking out like a sore thumb, we will need to learn to re-organize our priorities sometimes to things we did not expect, yet each of these things will ultimately take us closer to the being that created us and loves us more than eternity. He sees our potential and He sees our purpose, He will take us down roads we did not expect and some paths that feel so dark and uncertain, He may appear silent in those time we feel we need Him most, yet the power of faith is most evident when there is no sign of God anywhere yet still we choose to obey Him, it is those moments when the adversary is thwarted in his purpose. (C.S Lewis, Screwtape Letters) It is this faith that draws us to an eternal goal and blessings beyond measure.

A Steadfast Spirit

I had an epiphany of sorts today, many might disagree with me, but I think I want to pose an hypothesis, it is easier to be in touch with the Lord when we are struggling with a trial or feel that life isn't fair. Now that might seem a contradiction in terms, some would think we are closer to the Savior when things are going well and we see our blessings, but I don't think that is how human nature actually works.

For two and a half years I was an engaged person without a wedding date and sometimes fears of whether I would ever actually get married crept in. In those moments I went to the Lord pleading for confirmation that I was on the right path, that I should hang in there and continue being full of support and love. I pled in quiet nights when I feared being alone and crazy nights when I felt like things just weren't going my way. In those two years there have been so many heart aches, fears, ups and downs and growth that accompanies life. I learned to go to the Lord instead of my partner when I got frustrated and I learned not to be frustrated with Heavenly Father when things didn't go the way I thought they should on the path He placed me on (oxymoronic I know).  Though sometimes painful I felt so blessed I knew the Lord was nearby, that He knew the frustration and He was there to help.

Fast forward two years, six months and five weeks, I am so blessed. I have a loving supportive husband, we are integrating into our new ward and I haven't imploded from work, school and spousedom. I don't have everything figured out, yet I'm loving the life I have. And I feel like I'm not checking in with Heavenly Father near as much as I could or should. I check in when I lose things around the house or when I feel overwhelmed with my capstone project, yet the growth I felt for two years feels a thing of the past.

Perhaps the battle of this mortal life is not just facing the struggles with faith and trust, but learning how to maintain that relationship with Heavenly Father when you see the blessings and feel so blessed. It is that desire to keep checking in, to find what you need to tweek to continue learning and growing. As the apostles say trials are perfectly arranged for growth, yet we can still yearn for progression when we have moved past one and grow towards the next. Because even plants need some sunshine to grow. There is service to give, the Spirit to seek and follow and work we can do.

A light on a Hill

As I prepared for the messages of this conference I took the council of the prophets and apostles and I came to the sessions with a prayerful heart and some questions. I anxiously waited for each new talk waiting for that one thing I needed to answer my questions and prepare me for the six months ahead. Each session I enjoyed each of the talks and loved the messages, but none of them rang true to me as the answer I was seeking. I felt a bit gipped, I wondered why the heavens were silent when I thought I was prepared for something so profound. Then as I listened to the new apostles this morning I heard things that reverberated to my deepest heart. All along I had been expecting to receive some big moment that would confirm to me that Heavenly Father had this complicated game plan that would help me learn to be a wife and student simultaneously, there would be specific, detailed instructions on a journey I needed to prepare to take, but none of those came. Instead the call to be a righteous wife, a loving friend, a supportive ward member, to be a light to someone in need. All of these things that sounded so mundane, not the adventure and fight I had in mind that Heavenly Father had for me.

Though not an adventure, it is a fight and a struggle to be all of those things. I'm sure all of us at one time or another have prayed like Pres Eyring "give me this trial" give me some grand way to prove my faith, when in all actuality proving our faith is a daily battle, loving the people closest to us when they see things a bit differently or have a different style of neatness, or loving a co-worker that just seems so difficult in the moment. These moments that seem so average and everyday are the moments when our character is determined, when our example is tested and when we can shine the brightest. Never turn down the mundane for the desire for something greater, we can be the most powerful and influential just by trying to be a little better everyday.

My answer today was love your husband like I love him, I think we can all do a little better at seeing others as our Father in Heaven sees them, He sees where they came from, what they are going through and where they will go, who are we to short change them and the Lord who paid the price for each of us. I am so very grateful that He chose to pay that price that I can try a little harder to be a little better, to count to five instead of just to three or to sit patiently at a desk when I just want to run away or chose a different song than the one I've been stuck on for a couple weeks.

To me the message of this conference was hold tight to what you know, work to live what you know and take every opportunity, big or small to be like Christ. I'm so excited to learn more on this journey.

Captain my Captain

My dear sweet husband has been dealing with one stressed cookie today. In our post wedding, post honeymoon, post opened presents world I am feeling so stressed to get things put away, keep track of our presents and not lose the cards that have money or gift cards in them and not to mention getting thank you cards out. So I just want to shout out to everyone, thank you so much for your love and support on our wedding day and the much love that continues popping up afterward. I apologize for my tardiness in sending out cards of gratitude, it just keeps abounding and I have no idea how to keep up.

So I'm learning a thing or two, stress does not make things go better or faster and it puts your spouse at a loss. I'm grateful for my husband's kind patience in looking for things that I put away and for reminding me that things take time and people won't feel less loved if things take time.

There are so many things in this life that we think we need to stress over. So many of my prayers include pleas for help to get this thing done and that thing done and guidance of what to do, who to become and how to do it. All of these things are good and important and should have a place in our lives. But as I learned this morning, when I take my game plan of things I need to the Lord more often then not He'll respond, not quite, be patient, have faith and wait. We need to be anxiously engaged and we should be seeking for God's direction in our lives, but there is true power in being still and knowing He is control. As we pray every morning for an open heart to receive His direction and as we seek His will He will direct and help us, but if we get too caught up in our plan or if we are stressed into a corner we are not able to be directed. There is true power in allowing Christ to be our Captain and guide and trusting Him to direct and help. We can't do everything ourselves, the beauty is that we aren't supposed to.

Gems Along the Way

I apologize for my two weeks absence, I promise it was for a good cause :-) and I want to thank everyone who kept stopping by, I was a bit afraid that my thoughts that I sent out into cyber space would be lost, but you faithful people have kept it alive in my absence.


As I hinted at in my last post I was preparing to enter the House of the Lord and be sealed for time and all eternity and after two years of maybes, perhaps and almost there's my fiance and I made it, we are now husband and wife. The power in that house is truly amazing! As my now husband (who isn't a big fan of large groups of people) said "our time in the temple gave me a boost of energy so I can face the reception." It has given both of us a burst of power to start our life together.

You know all those quotes you read about needing to be happy now, to not wait for that certain something you're wishing for in order to be happy. In the past few years I've tried to do my best to find joy in the moment and now that I have received what I've been excitedly waiting for I realize just how powerful that counsel is. Just because you get what you wanted doesn't make the world a miraculously happy magical place. Please do not get me wrong, I LOVE BEING MARRIED!!! It is awesome and our trip to the Oregon coast was beautiful and brilliant, I really, really, really love the Red Woods! Yet even  in all the beauty there are aspects of marriage that are unfamiliar, a bit foreign and just weird. In uniting two people from different backgrounds, different perspectives and different ways to process emotion, sometimes things hurt, sometimes you have emotions you don't expect. That does not mean that getting married was a bad choice nor does it mean that you flee or question what in the world Heavenly Father is doing. Instead you go to him with gratitude that what you have plead for  and dreamed about has come and say, wow I'm in totally new ground, please help. Our Father knows us and loves us, He cares about us more deeply than we can even imagine and He knows what makes us tick and what we need to grow, and trust me, sometimes that doesn't line up with what we think we need.

(not our ring set, but a very nice stock photo ;-)


As I start this new adventure called married life and face new things that I'm sure many have faced before me, I'm thankful for a loving husband that is there every step of the way and the love of my Heavenly Father that reminds to always look at the best in my husband and trust Him because my loving young man is a gift and a miracle to me. I know that we can grow and change, that we truly can become what our Heavenly Father intends, even on circuitous routes when Father lets us learn precept by precept, line upon line. Like Paul who plead for relief from his "thorn in the flesh" our Father tells us, His grace is sufficient to tackle any challenge and find joy in every moment.

I hope as we all face new adventures we find strength from those around us and the gems along the way.

He's prepared the way

 Change has a way of sneaking up on you, sure you know it's coming, you're preparing for it even, then you wake up one morning and realize the thing you've been waiting for your whole life is here and you are facing all sorts of everything. I'm facing lasts, firsts, still trying to finish planning things as well as making all the arrangements you don't realize you need to make until people start asking questions and you realize that a shoulder shrug is not an adequate response. Then add into that school starting tomorrow, is this really happening? I've watched countless others start back, but I've been so caught up in planning, I didn't even buy notebooks until Saturday night and that's only because I was buying towels for the apartment, wow I'm just a bit out of the normal loop.

 As I think about all the things that need to happen this week and then add school on top I really just want to stay under my blankets tomorrow and wait 'til Saturday. And at this moment I don't even have any conclusions or good moral of the stories to take away from this. In fact some of you are probably even wondering why I'm taking the time to write this, yes I'm stressed and I'm sure many before me and many after have been or will be stressed, I guess it is just part of the human condition. So I guess what I'm trying to learn this week is that yes stress comes and causes us to lose perspective, we focus on all the details that need to get done and miss the meaning of what we are doing, we forget the why. No matter what happens this weekend, we don't buy bridge mix, we are late getting cake out to guests, the boutineers droop a little bit or we have one extra person at the luncheon, it doesn't matter, we are getting married and sealed in the temple of our God, we are making covenants that will bless us into eternity, can anything really compare to that? Our Heavenly Father is inviting us into his home to receive blessings and make a covenant with Him. The ultimate power in the universe wants us to get married and will help us in this endeavor because He actually understands all of the blessings He's promised us and so He'll help us.

God's gift of grace can make me (and each of us) more than we are ourselves. So all the details in the world pale in comparison to what He can accomplish when we let Him have the lead.

A Point along the Road

Contrary to what the world would tell us we have a choice, we are not controlled by our emotions nor should we allow them to make us become a raging nor weeping anyone. The world tells us we have a right to feel certain ways or act in certain ways based on different circumstances, this is also a lie. We are here to learn how to harness our emotions, to control them so that not only do we not say hurtful things, but also avoid thinking hurtful things.

I'm afraid that for the past week or two I have bought into that lie. Because of certain events in my life I thought I deserved certain attention and certain consideration that due to the circumstances of others just wasn't feasible. This morning I realized just how unfair that is. Sometimes we get so focused on an event or our expectations of how something should work out that when it doesn't we become down hearted and frustrated. I was blessed this weekend to be reminded by my sister that just because something matters so much to me, doesn't mean life stops for everyone else, they still have their struggles and issues and this is the perfect opportunity for me to reach out to them in love and support. Asking myself how I can help and encourage them will bring me much more joy then spending three hours trying to figure out the best nut mix. We are called to bear one another's burdens, not just when we have time on our hands or see an obvious need, we become like Christ when no matter what is going on for us we still seek to serve others, I hope I can better see and respond to the needs of others.



Now this brings me back to the original point, we have a choice, our circumstances don't control our mood, we do. Now I realize there are certain moments in our lives when we just react and only realize later what happened or we feel so weighted down that the next thing to come breaks the camels back, I have had plenty moments like those and all you can do is pray and hope that eventually the sun will come out again. But then there are those moments when you can feel the emotion building and you know you have a choice whether to feed and encourage it or to take a step back and see a bigger picture. I had one of those moments when I found out the apartment we'd fallen in love with, felt good about and anxiously waited for fell through. Oh how I wanted to cry in that moment and ask Heavenly Father why it felt like the thing to focus and wait for, when it didn't come. (Now anyone who has looked for apartments before could tell me that was a crazy plan, but it felt right, so I waited.) Anyhow I could feel those emotions and frustrations building, but I remembered that if it feels right do it, it felt right so we did it, that doesn't make it wrong, it was simply one step in the journey and now we work and pray for the next one.

Mind you, I'll be reminding myself this all week as we wonder and work to find a place to live, but that doesn't make it any less true. The thing is, I don't know where I'm supposed to end up yet, but Heavenly Father does.

You matter to Him

So tonight I feel like I have plenty to say, but I have no idea how to organize it and how much I should really share, so who knows, because life goes in contraries because I know I have so much, this post might be really short...or not we'll see ;-). I do know that a lot of what I think and feel is based on this premise. Because I matter to Him, everything else will work out, I will end up just where I'm supposed to be.

Tonight I'd like to talk about faith, I know I've covered this topic liberally in the past months we've been together, but faith is not a topic that you learn and move on from, it is a principle and virtue that you keep learning throughout your life. Faith and this life in general is like an ever ascending spiral, after you master one virtue, principle or life skill you move up to the next level in which you try to apply what you have learned and learn just how much there is for you to learn. After two years of being engaged and running through three or four hoped for, but never planned out wedding dates it is weird to think that I really have one this time and my fiance is the one doing a large amount of the planning and preparing. Even with a date at the temple scheduled, the church reserved and announcements printed just waiting to be sent out, I still feel nervous that I'll wake up one morning and find it all gone. Mind you, it is different this time, my fiancee came to me with a date, I didn't go to him hoping for one, he's making all sorts of wedding and post wedding preparations that I've never seen before and this time the Spirit came to me saying it was time. Yet even with all of these extra assurances there is still some corner of me that wonders if this is really going to happen. Not doubt whether it is a good thing, but just doubt that the time has actually come and now I get to become more fully an adult, ahhh.

I'm so exhausted of that little niggling of doubt, I'm still making plans: flowers, cakes, pictures and dresses. There comes a point where you simply have to choose to believe and that came for me last night. I was tired of second guessing and questioning and wondering if things really would come together. But once I gave it to the Lord and let Him take care of it I've known such peace. We each have things that cause that little niggling doubt rise up in us, in my case it happens to be planning a wedding, for others choices for school, preparing for the future, taking a job offer or trying to find an apartment. Whatever it is in your life, let Heavenly Father do the work for you, if it feels right, do it, you will never regret it, sometimes you do end up just where you hoped you would and sometimes you don't end up where you thought you would, but you end up in a place much better. Allow God to do something great in your life, He has hold of the entire universe and he can move mountains, change hearts, break the cycle of addictions and change the world and sometimes if we allow our hearts open to those opportunities we even get to be part of the process :-).

Do not turn back

I've been in what feels like a holding pattern for two years, not daring to look to far in advance for fear of what I would see or even worse what I wouldn't see. I learned how to focus on the next paper due, the next Sunday School lesson or the next big date night activity, but never much farther than that. Mind you I learned to appreciate life one day at a time, to take the value and joy from each day, record it in my journal and be interested in what new thing would happen tomorrow.

Now all of a sudden tomorrow came, the time to look to the future, plan ahead and realize my life will change, what a delightful and scary thought. What I have accepted as my reality will change and I will once more learn to adapt to the life right before me. With this coming change many have asked "why so suddenly, are you sure?" Sometimes those questions have cause me to question. Now that this moment of decision has come, am I ready to follow through and commit, I've gotten to used to how life was, am I ready for it to be something new. That is a terrifying question to ask yourself. I'm so thankful for the wonderful advice my sister sent me from Elder Holland:

"Beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now."  "With any major decision there are cautions and considerations to make, but once there has been illumination, beware the temptation to retreat from a good thing. If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it, it is right now. Don’t give up when the pressure mounts. Certainly don’t give in to that being who is bent on the destruction of your happiness. Face your doubts. Master your fears. “Cast not away therefore your confidence.” Stay the course and see the beauty of life unfold for you."

If it was right when I prayed about it and lived two years for it, it still is correct right now, it still is a good thing. So don't shirk from the good because someone asks if you are sure, because they haven't felt what you have felt and they aren't entitled to the same direction as you are. Have faith that what the Lord promised He will fulfill and as long as you are on his side, working on His will you will be blessed and helped, not matter what temporal concerns may appear. Trust the peace when it comes and hold to it when fears seem to overwhelm you, the peace is stronger than the fear.

Blessings

Life is weird, it is full of ups and downs, joys and pains and I'm quite sure all of us have felt at one time or another that the ups don't last near as long as the downs. Pres Henry B. Eyring said that the very nature of adversity seems to make clocks slow down and sometimes even stop, thus making adversity require the heavenly virtue of patience. But I don't know that I necessarily want to talk about patience, instead I think I want to simply share that when the good comes enjoy it and remember those peaceful joyful feelings when the next not so joyful experience comes.

As I sat in my choir seat vibrating with excitement over my current up moment I thought about all the downs that seemed to surround me in the last little while and I realized just how ungrateful I am. In the moments of ups I can see all the good things, all the times Heavenly Father has sent tender mercies to make my life better in so many ways. After such a powerful, exciting morning I found myself with worries crowding back in, worrying that things really won't work out as I'm hoping they will, just hours after praising my Father for all the gifts He's given now I'm doubting because some dynamic changed some tiny little bit. How changable we humans are, it drives me nuts. So tonight, probably more for me than for anyone else I want to say "Heavenly Father loves me, loves you and loves that person that might be driving you nuts." Sometimes traffic lights do turn green and sometimes that thing you've worked and prayed for really does come, despite the odds or opposition Heavenly Father performs miracles, just because He loves you. He wants the world for you, but sometimes getting the world means understanding what it's worth and that education can take some time. In that moment when you feel yourself gearing up for the next down and not seeing where sunlight could be hold on to that moment the day before when you saw a glimpse of being on top of the world, that moment will come again and what a journey you will go on of learning and of trust.

Not in the Outcome

 
 Hope is an interesting thing, sometimes in my own life I connect hope to a hope in a specific outcome, not necessarily just in something I want, but also in something I feel the Lord wants for me as well. Yet when we place our hope and faith in specific, quantified outcomes we lose faith in the true matter at hand, in our Heavenly Father and his actions in our lives.
   Yes I believe that Heavenly Father will follow through on His promises and His directions, if He is directing you to do something we would all do well to follow that direction, yet it shouldn't be just to get what we want, we should be following Him because we know He loves us and wants what best for us and as we follow Him we will learn and grow in ways we never thought we could.
    Sometimes we are afraid to follow the direction we receive, because we're afraid we interpreted it incorrectly, or we have past experiences that we prepared what we could, but things still didn't work out quite the way we thought they would. This is ultimately where faith comes in, the outcome shouldn't matter, we followed the Spirit, we know we'll end up just where we should and if it doesn't work out the way we expected we know that Heavenly Father's comfort will only be a prayer away.
   Sometimes faith requires action without logic, acting because we feel we should, not because we see the end. Two farmers needed rain. One farmer spent his time on his knees praying for rain while the other farmer started on his knees, then went to prepare his field. I hope that we will all choose to be the latter farmer, that we will have courage to go prepare whatever field Heavenly Father has placed on our heart to prepare and that we will learn that He is at the beginning and end of every direction He sends to us.

Remember faith is in God, not the outcome.

Never Turn Away

True faith is believing God will do what is best for me in His time. I'm afraid I've forgotten that bit of wisdom in the last few months.

This last week as I've been arranging things to head down to Alpine and listen to my mission president and his wife speak I've taken the time to ponder on my mission and the moments that changed my life in Cambodia. For those of you reading this that don't know I came home from my mission early, it wasn't easy nor what I expected from the mission the Lord called me on, but I knew his hand was in it, so I did it. I struggled with illness for two months as I tried to fulfil my missionary duties, help in companionship planning and be an all around friendly person. After being sent to Thailand for an MRI that showed us nothing conclusive Pres Moon called me into his office and said "Chi Dao, we need to figure out what to do with you, you can't keep going on like this," mind you this is after he found me slumped on the floor with my head leaning on a couch at his house. That weekend we fasted to know what I needed to do. Through that weekend I warred with myself between wanting to stay despite the headaches, versus wanting to go home so my companion could be a proselyting missionary again. At the end of that weekend I knew without a doubt that Heavenly Father needed me somewhere else and my time in Cambodia and my time with a name tag had come to an end. It was so hard to leave, but I knew that it was right and though I had my own ideas about why I was going home, which all proved incorrect I might add ;-), I still know I went where I needed to be, even though it wasn't what I wanted or expected.

As I shared that experience with a friend I wondered, why don't I feel that way anymore? Why can't I feel direction that same way again, to just know that what I felt directed to do was right and that it came from Heavenly Father. And I realized that has more to do with me, than it has to do with Heavenly Father. He's giving me the answers I'm seeking, but I'm struggling to trust Him, hence a lack of sureness.

His words and comfort withstand the vagaries of life, my trust in Him needs to do the same.  When I served in Cambodia my whole life, every aspect was dependent on having the Spirit and following it. Now that I live a life that can range from mundane on some days when I can run on auto-pilot, to cry my eyes out begging the heavens for help, I need to be doing those things everyday that ensures the Spirit is my constant companion and then accept the comfort when it comes instead of saying "yeah but". It is so easy to contradict what we feel, by what we see in the moment, I promise what we feel in our heart has a lot more truth and should have a lot more weight in our lives.

We truly can find peace and comfort in this life if we turn to Christ and never turn away.



For further reading see Elder Quentin L Cook's talk:
The Lord is My Light
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/the-lord-is-my-light?lang=eng#watch=video

The friends which never leave us

 
So I have this friend and we are really tight, we do just about everything together. We watch movies together, listen to music together, go on road trips together and go to work together. He helps me figure out what to say in important situations, listens to my concerns and helps me find answers, he is a guide and a help to me. He offers me peace and comfort when I feel uptight or sad and offers wise counsel in time of need, sometimes he even shouts to get my attention when something isn't right. This friend of mine has a soft voice and sometimes can't be heard in busy, loud places of chaos and confusion, yet when I choose quiet, peaceful places he teaches me so much. Sometimes my other friends questions the things he tells me and the world around me is confused by the choices I make based on his advice, yet he has never led me astray.

Even with all this great help, support and advice sometimes I get fed up, because I don't see things the way he sees things or I don't have the same long distance perspective, I don't see how things could be the way he says they are. Yet whenever I disregard his guidance or shrug off the peace he sends to me I am immediately surrounded by confusion, anxiety and pain.

I testify that this friend of mine can be a friend to all of us, he is the messenger of our Heavenly Father. Because our Father is omnipotent he sees all things and sends his spirit to be with us, to see beyound our own concerns and fears and look to the future with hope. This past week has threatened to tear me from my moorings, to question all the things I hold dear in my heart, I have thought things I never thought I would, yet each moment of pain and fear was accompanied by a spirit of peace, inexplicable, yet all consuming. The Lord has sent His spirit to me to let me know I am known, I am loved and there are so many blessings just around the corner. He has proven to me time and time again that He can do the impossible, I don't know how or when but I know it will happen.

I hope and pray that each of us can find a friend and ally in the Spirit that we will look to him, our Savior and our Heavenly Father to bring peace into our lives, send counsel in time of distress and bring about miracles in unexpected places.

They are our truest friends for they will never leave us.

Thoughts of a Nation and of a Life

  I know that as it is Independence Day weekend and my blog started as a patriotic political one I really should have so much to say, but I'm not sure that I do. I don't have a hobby horse to ride this weekend, so instead I want to simply share some thoughts that just keep coming back.

This nation was founded on principles of freedom and righteousness and as we live according to these principles we will be blessed.

Contrary to current popular opinion I know this country had the help of God to direct the men writing the Declaration of Independence and Constitution. This country is not an accident it was formed by God to be the cradle of the Restoration and to bring joy and safety to millions.

As I learned today what we do of ourselves fades away, but the things we do for Heavenly Father remain and are magnified. I don't what how to face the things this life will send my way, but I know if I do the things Heavenly Father asks me to do I will be successful and I will be able to return to Him.

I'm thankful for the men and women who have gone across an ocean to fight for this nation and I'm so thankful for the men and women who fought for this nation by teaching their children to honor the flag, to honor liberty, freedom of speech, freedom of religion to stand for what is right, not what is popular, to rely on the Gospel of Jesus Christ and to be led by His Spirit. I hope each of us will hold the flag dear to our hearts and honour the men and women who have fought for it.

Our Father knows and loves us, He intends and desires each of us to return to Him, what do we need to be willing to give up to do that? I don't know what that is, but I pray that I'll be brave enough to do it when the Lord comes and asks of me to do hard things, for then the test comes and we learn to follow our Saviour though the pathway be difficult.

I know my Saviour lives and loves each of us, He prepared the place He planted us so we could grow back to Him.

The Maze or The Traveling Companion

Have you ever had that moment when you're quiet on the inside, just pondering what the Lord has for you and a thought pops into your head? I'm sure that most of us have had that and experiences like that in our lives. When we act upon them, do our best to obey and they are fulfilled, what we thought would happen came to fruition. But have you ever had a time when they didn't?

Yep, that happened to me this week, I was quiet in the inside, thinking about nothing in particular and a thought just popped into my head, I questioned it a bit, checked for authenticity and went with it. It brought peace to my heart and excitement to my mind and that is usually a pretty good indication that that inspiration just came from Heavenly Father, there's only one catch, it didn't happen. I was crushed, confused and hurt. Mind you, some will say that obviously I was confused and just didn't interpret the inspiration correctly. Which is a possibility, but considering I was in the temple and I triple checked, I felt pretty good about it, so why didn't it happen?

For anybody out there who feels confused or hurt or frustrated I understand and respect it. Sometimes I wonder if Heavenly Father sends us those feelings so we know we are worthy of whatever He told us or that we were considered (which is a really awesome thing) I also wonder if He does it to see how we will respond. In those moments when we feel directed to a new experience or opportunity we feel nervous, but because we are called of the Lord we know we can do it, we tell the Lord "I'll go where you want me to go, I'll do what you want me to do, I'll say what you want me to say". Yet when the moment arrives and it doesn't play out as expected, can we still say these words? Our character is determined by how we react when life doesn't play out as we expected it too. We can trust completely in whatever Heavenly Father tells us, as my mission companion once said "we follow Heavenly Father until we hit a wall, then we ask Him what to do next". Sometimes it may feel that we have hit a wall, instead we have simply found the next place that reminds us to keep Heavenly Father as a traveling companion, active in our life.

It is hard to not receive that thing that first terrified us, then excited us, but I hope that we will never rail at God, for He is the master planner and designer, perhaps only He knows why things played out as they did, I guarantee He has a plan and a purpose. Many things will enter our lives throughout the course of a lifetime and each comes for a purpose. I don't know why that opportunity didn't come as expected, but I'm thankful that it opened my heart to speak with Him more so that together we can figure my wee mortal life out.

It takes you

As a child I never thought much about what fatherhood entailed, I just knew that my dad worked all day away from home and then, in the summers, he came home and worked outside all night long in the garden. It's not until I grew up and started understanding what "bills" meant and the many hours he put in to pay them and worked in the garden to feed us that I saw the long loving hours he put in for us.

There's not a day that goes by without my dad asking how all the kids are doing, what we're up to, how goes school, what about food storage, are we getting enough sleep, and have we changed the oil in our car recently. I still remember and cherish that one youth conference when my dad, as bishopbric member, was a chaperone at the youth dance and when he saw that none of the boys asked me to dance he asked me. I've danced with many young men since, but that dance means the most to me.

The responsibilities of fatherhood are so overwhelming; to temporally provide for your family, to spiritually lead in your home and make sure that no matter what comes your children know your home is a safe harbour. I'm so thankful that my father has willingly and faithfully fulfilled those roles in my life, for always striving to do his duty, he has shown me that making your word as good as your bond is a very powerful thing. Thank you Dad for all you do and thank you to all the Dads out there who strive to faithfully do their duty and show us the care our Heavenly Father wants us to know.

For those who don't have a father in the home, thank you to the men in our lives who bare the priesthood and show Christlike love and service. Fathers really are the unsung heroes for their many sleepless nights and many desires to see their families succeed.

I often wonder if the fathers of the world feel like this, yet they keep going.

For those who are still reading Elder Perry had some wonderful things to say about families and things as they really are, I know I felt encouraged.

"No one has ever come up with a more efficient way to raise the next generation than a household of married parents with children.

Public opinion polls show that marriage is still the ideal and the hope among the majority of every age group—even among the millennial generation, where we hear so much about chosen singleness, personal freedom, and cohabitation instead of marriage. The fact is that strong majorities worldwide still want to have children and to create strong families.

Once we are married and once we have children, the true commonality among all mankind becomes even more evident. As “family people”—no matter where we live or what our religious beliefs may be—we share many of the same struggles, the same adjustments, and the same hopes, worries, and dreams for our children.

As New York Times columnist David Brooks said: “People are not better off when they are given maximum personal freedom to do what they want. They’re better off when they are enshrouded in commitments that transcend personal choice—commitments to family, God, craft and country.”⁴

One problem is that much of the media and entertainment that the world shares does not reflect the priorities and values of the majority. For whatever reasons, too much of our television, movies, music, and Internet present a classic case of a minority masquerading as a majority. Immorality and amorality, ranging from graphic violence to recreational sex, is portrayed as the norm and can cause those who have mainstream values to feel like we are out of date or from a bygone era. In such a media and Internet-dominated world, it has never been harder to raise responsible children and to keep marriages and families together.

Despite what much of media and entertainment outlets may suggest, however, and despite the very real decline in the marriage and family orientation of some, the solid majority of mankind still believes that marriage should be between one man and one woman. They believe in fidelity within marriage, and they believe in the marriage vows of “in sickness and in health” and “till death do us part.”

We need to remind ourselves once in a while, as I was reminded in Rome, of the wonderfully reassuring and comforting fact that marriage and family are still the aspiration and ideal of most people and that we are not alone in those beliefs."

A Greater Reward

Dear World,
    I received some very exciting news this week. As I was converting files like mad this week my boss nonchalantly strolled and informed me that she talked with her boss and they've arranged to keep me on with pay for the rest of the summer, needless to say I was related. Of course there was an "and but" that they couldn't guarantee into the school year, but they'll see what they can do. Okay, so I don't know what will happen three months from now, but I know it has worked out very well so far, Heavenly Father has fulfilled his word in my life.
   Now with that exciting announcement made I would like to share a story, then ask a question. Last two weeks my tablet has been on the fritz. The first night it wouldn't work I knew I didn't know where the receipt was and I was in a panic. You see the tablet was only two and a half months old and it was a very large investment and I didn't know what to do. As I prayed I worried and fretted until finally the Spirit said "quiet". I realized that worrying wouldn't solve anything and I instead sought for peace and prayed that everything would be all right. I felt assured everything would work out and I went to bed. Two weeks later the seller has worked with me for an exchange and what turned out to be an upgrade, indeed it has all worked out.
   Now for the question, how do you guys feel about the end of the world and the Second Coming of the Savior? Does it bring you fear, do you feel concern over the calamities of the coming days, do you not even think about it or are you one of the lucky ones who has enough perspective not to worry too much? I admit I'm one of the nervous/scared ones. Ever since I was little I've been keyed into the prophecies and signs of the times and the more I see in the world today, the more I know it must get worse before it gets better. For months now this thought has haunted and concerned me, yet as I've prayed to know how I should prepare and what I should do, I haven't gotten answers, but I have gotten peace.
   As I think about the job offer the Spirit assured me I couldn't refuse or my tablet which seemed a hopeless cause I am reminded that if Heavenly Father can take care of a tablet, He can take care of me. The signs of the times and prophecies of our Savior's coming are meant to instigate a change within us, we are meant to be preparing to welcome Him back to this earth, we can't do that if we don't know when He will arrive. Our loving Heavenly Father is letting the earth know that the time when our Savior will rule and reign on the earth again is near at hand. I don't know about you, but I know I'm not yet ready to look into my Savior's eyes. I am so thankful for this time that is calling me to prepare, so that I can do my part to prepare the earth for His coming.

   Though there are wars and rumors of wars and upheaval around the world, we are known and we are numbered and we will be taken care of as we each individually put our spiritual houses into order. As Elder Oaks said in last Conference:
"Subjects for general conference talks are assigned—not by mortal authority but by the impressions of the Spirit. Many subjects would address the mortal concerns we all share. But just as Jesus did not teach how to overcome the mortal challenges or political oppression of His day, He usually inspires His modern servants to speak about what we must do to reform our personal lives to prepare us to return to our heavenly home." Or I might add, our heavenly home to come and meet us.

As we trust in the Lord, for our trusting faithful times are just moments in the eternal scheme, we gain a far greater reward of love and peace.

The Meandering Road

 Have you ever had that moment when you were talking with a friend you hadn't talked with in a while and they were asking you all these questions you'd resolved months ago and had gone down a completely different path? Well, yep that was me this week. I was enjoying a visit with lots of new updates and plenty of exciting new adventures when this friend asked me how my job search was going. I told her about my work at the campus library and my new adventures. In our last conversation ( of two months ago) we'd talked about my efforts of getting into the medical community and my goals in the future. Since that time I applied for some jobs and none felt right until the digital librarian invited me to help with digitizing an oral history project for the community. I have so loved my work and though I still don't know how much time I have there I've loved it and known it is just the place I need to be.
   As we talked the other night I realized my friend had no clue about this month long journey and wanted to know about jobs I'd previously looked at. In that moment I realized just how far afield the Spirit had taken me and I have no specific, confirmed idea of where I'll end up and I realized it didn't matter. Though my journey has not gone where I thought it would it has still taken me to okay places. Sometimes meandering paths can be just as nerve-wracking as bumps in the road.
    We as human beings get so focused on what we think we should be doing. In our moments of clarity we think we see a complete path in front of us, when in reality the Lord has given us a glimpse of where to start. I'm so thankful for the Lord's patience with me as I strive to find just where those glimpses are taking me. When life seems to meander in unknown paths trust in a loving Heavenly Father who knows the beginning of the path to the end and He will guide us safely on. May the Spirit of the Lord be with us this week as we strive to find just where we are meant to be.

Pres Eyring,

"I cannot promise an end to your adversity in this life. I cannot assure you that your trials will seem to you to be only for a moment. One of the characteristics of trials in life is that they seem to make clocks slow down and then appear almost to stop.

There are reasons for that. Knowing those reasons may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience. Those reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever. Only those washed perfectly clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be there."

Only a phone call away

      I'm not quite sure what to say today or what is even really on my heart. But I know I learned two things this week (well hopefully more than just two, but these two stood out the most). First was in Sunday School today when I felt prompted to ask the question "what motivates you?" As I pondered on that question I wondered what motivates me. Do I do what I do because I fear a consequence, because I want to avoid painful situations or do I act a certain way because I am seeking something better in my life. Do I follow the Spirit from habit, fear, or trust in love? Obedience is good no matter why we do it, but I posit a theory that following promptings and doing what we are commanded to do can perhaps help us become more worthy to have the Spirit as a companion and to feel the love of the Lord more fully in our lives and perhaps that is the best gift of all.
   The second thing that stood out to me were the words of Pres Packer from the last General Conference.

        "I bear witness that Jesus is the Christ and the Son of the living God. The Atonement, which can reclaim each one of us, bears no scars. That means that no matter what we have done or where we have been or how something happened, if we truly repent, He has promised that He would atone. And when He atoned, that settled that. There are so many of us who are thrashing around, as it were, with feelings of guilt, not knowing quite how to escape. You escape by accepting the Atonement of Christ, and all that was heartache can turn to beauty and love and eternity.

I am so grateful for the blessings of the Lord Jesus Christ, for the power of procreation, for the power of redemption, for the Atonement—the Atonement which can wash clean every stain no matter how difficult or how long or how many times repeated. The Atonement can put you free again to move forward, cleanly and worthily, to pursue that path that you have chosen in life."

I know that the Atonement can heal any and every hurt. I testify that our Savior Jesus Christ loves us. The Atonement heals and mends and sanctifies every scar so that we are a new creature in Christ.

Sometimes this life takes us in unexpected directions, usually so we can learn and improve. Our Savior understands the discomfort this can bring and he wants so much to help us, He is only a plea away.

We are bought with a Price

Life is so precious, special and important, but it most definitely isn't priceless. This life is paid with by a price, whether the life we know was paid for by parents who have worked so hard everyday of their adult life to provide for your needs, or paid for by soldiers who protect your liberty and freedom from the evil in the world. I promise you there is evil in the world, there are those who desire to make us miserable, who crave for power and money. The soldiers who fight for us provide for a way of life that many take much too lightly.
   My heart aches when I think of the many peers in my generation who are stepping on the flag, not realizing that the very right of wanting to step upon the flag and spit upon the values of freedom and protection are guaranteed by that flag. What do the colors on the flag mean you might ask, here is the answer:

"The colors of the pales (the vertical stripes) are those used in the flag of the United States of America; White signifies purity and innocence, Red, hardiness & valour, and Blue, the color of the Chief (the broad band above the stripes) signifies vigilance, perseverance & justice."

These colors are something to fight for, not to trample on. Please be part of the group who teach your children what principles the Founders fought for and how many have died seeking to stop tyranny throughout the world. I'm not saying that every conflict the U.S has taken part in was just based on the reasons given, but I know fighting tyranny, greed and evil does bring peace. I'm so grateful for the many who have fought that I might have that peace and liberty, I can't imagine a life without choice. and the opportunity to learn and follow my heart. Thank you to all those who have fought to keep me safe.

I'm so thankful for those who have stood with the Savior in giving life for me. Please honor them this Memorial Day, in remembering we are all bought with a price.

Lyrics

I walked through a county courthouse square
On a park bench an old man was sitting there
I said, "Your old courthouse is kinda run down"
He said, "No, it'll do for our little town"
I said, "Your old flagpole has leaned a little bit
And that's a Ragged Old Flag you got hanging on it"
He said, "Have a seat, " and I sat down
"Is this the first time you've been to our little town?"
I said, "I think it is" He said, "I don't like to brag
But we're kinda proud of that Ragged Old Flag
You see, we got a little hole in that flag there when
Washington took it across the Delaware
And it got powder-burned the night Francis Scott Key
Sat watching it, writing 'Say Can You See'
And it got a bad rip in New Orleans
With Packingham and Jackson tuggin' at its seams
And it almost fell at the Alamo
Beside the Texas flag, but she waved on though
She got cut with a sword at Chancellorsville
And she got cut again at Shiloh Hill
There was Robert E. Lee, Beauregard, and Bragg
And the south wind blew hard on that Ragged Old Flag
On Flanders Field in World War I
She got a big hole from a Bertha gun
She turned blood red in World War II
She hung limp and low by the time it was through
She was in Korea and Vietnam
She went where she was sent by her Uncle Sam
She waved from our ships upon the briny foam
And now they've about quit waving her back here at home
In her own good land here she's been abused
She's been burned, dishonored, denied, and refused
And the government for which she stands
Is scandalized throughout the land
And she's getting threadbare and she's wearing thin
But she's in good shape for the shape she's in
'Cause she's been through the fire before
And I believe she can take a whole lot more
So we raise her up every morning, we take her down every night
We don't let her touch the ground and we fold her up right
On second thought, I do like to brag
'Cause I'm mighty proud of the Ragged Old Flag