Contrary to what the world would tell us we have a choice, we are not controlled by our emotions nor should we allow them to make us become a raging nor weeping anyone. The world tells us we have a right to feel certain ways or act in certain ways based on different circumstances, this is also a lie. We are here to learn how to harness our emotions, to control them so that not only do we not say hurtful things, but also avoid thinking hurtful things.
I'm afraid that for the past week or two I have bought into that lie. Because of certain events in my life I thought I deserved certain attention and certain consideration that due to the circumstances of others just wasn't feasible. This morning I realized just how unfair that is. Sometimes we get so focused on an event or our expectations of how something should work out that when it doesn't we become down hearted and frustrated. I was blessed this weekend to be reminded by my sister that just because something matters so much to me, doesn't mean life stops for everyone else, they still have their struggles and issues and this is the perfect opportunity for me to reach out to them in love and support. Asking myself how I can help and encourage them will bring me much more joy then spending three hours trying to figure out the best nut mix. We are called to bear one another's burdens, not just when we have time on our hands or see an obvious need, we become like Christ when no matter what is going on for us we still seek to serve others, I hope I can better see and respond to the needs of others.
Now this brings me back to the original point, we have a choice, our circumstances don't control our mood, we do. Now I realize there are certain moments in our lives when we just react and only realize later what happened or we feel so weighted down that the next thing to come breaks the camels back, I have had plenty moments like those and all you can do is pray and hope that eventually the sun will come out again. But then there are those moments when you can feel the emotion building and you know you have a choice whether to feed and encourage it or to take a step back and see a bigger picture. I had one of those moments when I found out the apartment we'd fallen in love with, felt good about and anxiously waited for fell through. Oh how I wanted to cry in that moment and ask Heavenly Father why it felt like the thing to focus and wait for, when it didn't come. (Now anyone who has looked for apartments before could tell me that was a crazy plan, but it felt right, so I waited.) Anyhow I could feel those emotions and frustrations building, but I remembered that if it feels right do it, it felt right so we did it, that doesn't make it wrong, it was simply one step in the journey and now we work and pray for the next one.
Mind you, I'll be reminding myself this all week as we wonder and work to find a place to live, but that doesn't make it any less true. The thing is, I don't know where I'm supposed to end up yet, but Heavenly Father does.
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