Have you ever had that moment when you're quiet on the inside, just pondering what the Lord has for you and a thought pops into your head? I'm sure that most of us have had that and experiences like that in our lives. When we act upon them, do our best to obey and they are fulfilled, what we thought would happen came to fruition. But have you ever had a time when they didn't?
Yep, that happened to me this week, I was quiet in the inside, thinking about nothing in particular and a thought just popped into my head, I questioned it a bit, checked for authenticity and went with it. It brought peace to my heart and excitement to my mind and that is usually a pretty good indication that that inspiration just came from Heavenly Father, there's only one catch, it didn't happen. I was crushed, confused and hurt. Mind you, some will say that obviously I was confused and just didn't interpret the inspiration correctly. Which is a possibility, but considering I was in the temple and I triple checked, I felt pretty good about it, so why didn't it happen?
For anybody out there who feels confused or hurt or frustrated I understand and respect it. Sometimes I wonder if Heavenly Father sends us those feelings so we know we are worthy of whatever He told us or that we were considered (which is a really awesome thing) I also wonder if He does it to see how we will respond. In those moments when we feel directed to a new experience or opportunity we feel nervous, but because we are called of the Lord we know we can do it, we tell the Lord "I'll go where you want me to go, I'll do what you want me to do, I'll say what you want me to say". Yet when the moment arrives and it doesn't play out as expected, can we still say these words? Our character is determined by how we react when life doesn't play out as we expected it too. We can trust completely in whatever Heavenly Father tells us, as my mission companion once said "we follow Heavenly Father until we hit a wall, then we ask Him what to do next". Sometimes it may feel that we have hit a wall, instead we have simply found the next place that reminds us to keep Heavenly Father as a traveling companion, active in our life.
It is hard to not receive that thing that first terrified us, then excited us, but I hope that we will never rail at God, for He is the master planner and designer, perhaps only He knows why things played out as they did, I guarantee He has a plan and a purpose. Many things will enter our lives throughout the course of a lifetime and each comes for a purpose. I don't know why that opportunity didn't come as expected, but I'm thankful that it opened my heart to speak with Him more so that together we can figure my wee mortal life out.
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