I'm struggling tonight, I'm struggling tonight because this life matters so very much, but it feels like most people are in sleep walking mode. They are content with surface answers they have given or heard a thousand times throughout their life time of lessons on four year loops. I'm so tired of hearing that I should share the Gospel and questions about how to do it, but never the doctrine of why we do it ( now keep in mind, I have nothing against the idea of being a member missionary and sharing Heavenly Father's love with His children. In fact for the first time in my life I feel like I'm having opportunities to share the Gospel in ways I've never had before and it is a joy). My struggle is that we should be talking about the why, that as the covenant house of Israel we made covenants before we came to this life to share what we know now, as the covenant house of Israel in this life we know that we shared the Gospel and mission of the Savior with all those around us in pre-earth life as we fought the war in heaven. As the covenant house of Israel we have promises that we can live with Christ in Zion, but we must do our part to prepare the world and part of that preparation comes in changing our hearts as we serve and share.
Having each day felt the urgency of the return of our Savior growing stronger, realizing that the forces of darkness are growing more and more overt in their portrayals of what is mainstream and acceptable and in what the world tells us we are okay to do. Seeing scenes from Sodom and Gomorrah play out in our media and on the street I can't help but wonder just how much time we have left and so I struggle when we face Sunday School the same way we have for years. In my mind Sunday School has always been a place where we study the scriptures to learn how to prepare for the scenes playing out around us. Yet more and more I feel like the last two hours of the church block are to placate us in our current course of life instead of calling us to action and calling us to become and to do more than we currently are. Yes I realize that change can be hard and sometimes even a bit painful, but I would choose to work with the Lord to level up instead of going contrary to Him and place myself where the adversary has easier access to mess with me.
We talk so much about this life as if this life is the only thing that matters, that all we do ends once we leave this life and that eternal things will only matter once we get to the eternal realms. I wish we understood that this life is just one stage of a much bigger play that we are in, that if we choose to learn things of eternal significance here, we will be much better placed once we enter that eternal sphere, that the things we learn here and prepare for in this life will improve our spiritual character as we move to the next stage of our immortal progression.
I was reminded this morning just how fragile mortal life can be. For perhaps just the second or third time in my life death has touched me in a more personal way. My grandfathers died before I was born or before my memory extends and though many great uncles died and an older sister in my ward died, they all seemed to have finished their journey in this life and were very ready (having received all their credits needed to graduate from this mortal life) to move to the next and it was a gift for them to go. But tonight I ponder on a dear friend that died, someone that though I had only entered their life five years ago when I married into their family, embraced and supported me as their own, in fact once he found out when I wrote my blog he'd be on every Sunday night or Monday morning to read it. We got closer over the last year as I got more comfortable opening up and realized we had a lot of shard life experience. As I went through my struggles this last winter he shared with me his own struggles of trying to help those struggling with depression and I can only think, now that he has been released from his mortal tabernacle, perhaps he can be a help to them in a way he couldn't be before.
What is the purpose of this life if it can be so fragile and end so quickly? What is the point of all this mortal life suffering and tribulation? If we only ever few it in the context of I now pray better than I used to or I have more empathy (both very good things) if that is as far as it goes we have missed it. We are in this mortal experience to learn deeply about ourselves, deeply about our Savior and learn more keenly about a spiritual character that is only revealed in the climb and struggles of this life. Not only is this life not the end, but the next life isn't the end either (it is called eternity to eternity for a reason), just as pre-earth life came before this earth, and this life comes before the next, there is an eternity after the next life and we just keep growing and improving through each step as we strive to become more like Heavenly Father and then more like who ever Heavenly Father is working to become like. (Just as Lorenzo Snow once said "As man now is, God once was: “As God now is, man may be" God is also working to become something that once we become like God we can become that too).
This life matters so very much and can be so very fragile, what if instead of viewing this life as just another thing we have to do, we view it as a critical piece to our eternal progression and we are empowered to know that we have many who are invested in us and our efforts and there is a much bigger universe out there than we ever imagined. This life is not just average or hum drum it is important training for the worlds to come and the better we face and handle experiences here the more prepare to be a help and a blessing in the world to come.
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