So a few weeks ago I talked about forgiving ourselves and allowing ourselves to put down the rope so that Satan can no longer torture us with past regret and guilt of things we've done wrong in the past, tonight after a weekend of confusion I'd like to talk a little bit about forgiving ourselves for things we didn't do and letting things go we aren't guilty of.
So about four years ago during the Christmas season one little sister missionary in Cambodia got sick for a few weeks, her head pounded, she felt weary and she and her companion couldn't go tracting for a few weeks. Then Christmas Eve came and it was a Christmas miracle she was able to sing at the mission conference, paint at the orphanage and felt like a missionary again. She also learned about being exact in her prayers, she prayed to be well for Christmas and she was, but things went haywire after that.
Soon she couldn't bike around her area as well as she used to, then she and her companion could only work three of the seven days and eventually one or two if she was lucky. At first she thought this was a passing thing, that it was a weird Cambodia bug or even a previous medical problem rearing its ugly head, but then it didn't go away. She was sent to Thailand for an MRI or at least that is what the doctors and mission president thought, she really went to Thailand because her companion needed someone to talk to and debrief about her experiences so far. The MRI came out beautifully and she was told she had a beautiful brain.
Soon this sister couldn't even ride around her area anymore and she and president had a talk.
I wanted so badly to stay, I hadn't had much conventional success up to that point in my mission, my whole mission I wanted to be obedient to the stated rules, but more importantly I wanted to follow the Spirit. It was following the Spirit that sent me to Cambodia and it was God's plan I wanted to follow for me. He asked me to do some unconventional things, but He is God and sees a bigger plan and I wanted to follow a plan even if I didn't see where it would lead. Eventually that plan led to Newton, Utah about nine months earlier than expected. I came home early at peace, but as Satan always does doubts crept in, fear that I wasn't a good enough missionary came in, fear that somehow I had done something wrong and this was my punishment. Satan will always lie, he'll often add a grain of truth to make it more convincing. We both knew my mission didn't look conventional, but the point was and still is, it wasn't supposed to.
When we do what God asks it won't look conventional, it won't look like what the world or other members of the church think that it will. It might look weird, it might even look messy in the here and now, but ultimately it will be exactly what Heavenly Father intended, not because we did it perfectly, but because Christ is enough and our desire to follow him and follow our God will get us where we need to go.
So tonight I say to my previous self, my young, sad, scared self, let it go, you are forgiven of your past imperfections and you are loved for wanting to do Heavenly Father's will, it has not always taken you where you thought you needed to be, but it has always taken you where God needed you to be. You wanted Him and that was and is enough.
I say to all of us tonight, let go of the past, say no to Satan's lies, you are forgiven of any past mistake, misstep or unsure footing. Because of your righteous desires you are forgiven and the Lord can make exactly of you what you are to be. When you follow Him you won't look like anybody else because He knows how to use you in His work, you are unique, you have individual gifts and talents, power and even authority that no one else has, stop expecting it to look like anybody else. When you do what He asks you may not understand it, but it will be good. Stop expecting to look like anybody else. They are they and you are you, be exactly what God intends you to be.
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