Now I have often accused myself of being negative, of putting my -in the painful moment- blinders on and focused my view of life on just trying to get through. I can be a very in the moment kind of a person, when life is good my testimony is focused on how amazing Heavenly Father is, how He delights to bless us and to see us find our place in the universe. When life is feeling less good I tend to focus on learning and growth through adversity and the fact that Christ performed the Atonement to meet us where we are. To be honest I've been focused much more on the meeting us where we are part lately.
Now getting back to the "life is just like that" part, now I do realize that there is much good in the world, I realize there is a lot of light, that sometimes putts do drop, that meat is soft and there are shining vistas along the way (P.S I love seeing the quote corresponding with what I just said from President Hinckley, fun side note he didn't actually come up with the quote, he just quoted it from a newspaper editorial, and there is a place for the knowledge of simply thanking the Lord for the ride). But there is also a place for seeing the beautiful vistas as they come, for enjoying the bright moments, embracing random trips for shot glasses full of pho, and remembering delicious adventures at a place called Ngon, laughing with friends and learning more about the gospel. And the greater trick is remembering the bright and shining moments when the clouds go back over the sun and you almost want to regret the laughter, but know you shouldn't. It's remembering the joy even when things seem to go off the tracks. It's not letting the negative things over shadow the good things.
I used to think I really had things figured out, that I somehow had the right to put people in boxes, even Susan Pevensie, the sister that though she had seen and felt Narnia could choose to see it as simply children's childhood games. I used to judge her very harshly, but now as I review the story, and as much as I want to be Lucy, I see parts of Susan too. I question things and take too much time questioning the motives of others (iconic quote "just because a man in a red suit hands you a sword doesn't mean you know how to use one") and my own destiny, instead of trusting. But I think who we all are most is Edmund. We make choices, see that those choices really didn't make us happy and realize we can't fix what we did on our own. Only after we are Edmund can we become Lucy.
So with all my mixed metaphors I guess what I am really trying to say is that it is better to love than to be angry, it is better to be kind than selfish, it is better to have faith than to doubt and it is better to trust the voice inside than bow to logic and skepticism. I want to learn to trust again, I want to learn how to hold to what I feel is true even in the possibility of disappointment. All of eternity rests upon the fact Christ did what He said He would, shouldn't our individual lives rest on that same fact, that our life will play out as the Spirit says it will, that promises can be held to and that our Father will always fulfill His end of the bargain. That no matter how dark it may seem, how lonely the journey, how repetitive the heartache that things will still be okay, that good news will still come, that what we felt once can still be true. How many times in this life will I learn this lesson? Until I trust without doubting, until I follow without question. We are in a battle for our very souls, it may not be a battle of swords or spears, but it is a battle of trust, love and hope, trust that we are a soul worth fighting for, that we have a destiny we can't begin to fully grasp and that a god, the Savior of the world would sacrifice Himself for us. And that no matter the pain of today we are dear to Him and we can find our way to tomorrow. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I know one day it will be beautiful.
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