This is not a cry for help, a plea for attention or action pointed my way, this is simply, hopefully some illumination on how to assist those who support someone with depression.
Depression is on the rise across the world and we all know someone affected by depression or mental illness of some kind. Men's hearts failing them are a sign of the Second coming and it will only get worse. Depression is painful, heart wrenching, frustrating, and teaches you a whole lot about compassion, unconditional love and endurance. Full of highs and lows you can't comprehend. Yet even those who love so deeply still get worn down, they have their own days when things just feel too much, they need someone in their corner as they are in someone else's corner.
Here are some things to keep in mind as that someone in a supporters corner.
First off let them be sad and tired for a bit. If they are coming to you then they have already tried pep talking themselves out of exhaustion and sadness, they have already tried to keep their chin up and they have already been exerting all the faith they have to trust their heavenly father in this path they are walking. If they are coming to you it is because they need reassurance that they are strong, they are loving they are kind, they are just tried at the moment. When the woman was taken in adultery in the new testament Christ didn't tell her to go and sin no more first thing, no first he asked her where her accusers were and gave her the very comforting statement that he didn't accuse her. He spoke to her in her need, then once she was renewed then he gave her counsel for the future.
Second, telling a supporter of someone with depression that they just need to tell the one they love to "just snap out of it" or "just work harder" won't help the depressed person feel any better and will only make the supporter sadder. How many times has that supporter said those same things in their head when they just wish the dishwasher was loaded or floor vacuumed after coming home from a long day at work, but in seeing the face they love all those thoughts crumpled because they saw defeat written in their loved ones eyes and they are just so grateful that the person they love is still with them. They work to remember that showing love is more important than a checklist and sometimes they need a reminder of just how good it is just feel that love, because often that supporter works so hard to give love to their person that can't love themselves that the person suffering with depression doesn't have room in their head to express their love for the person in their corner. Please show your love to that supporter with hugs and a listening ear, the game plan can come later.
Third, when that supporter comes to you for support don't go to the person struggling with depression and ask them what is wrong. The supporter is coming to you to tattle or even to express anger, they are coming because they just need to get the overwhelming, exhausting thoughts out of their head. Usually they just need to know that what they are feeling isn't evil, it isn't mean, it's just human. Asking the Spirit to know what to say to comfort is an amazing way for that person who is feeling very isolated to feel the love of their Savior and Heavenly Father.
Fourth, as supporters we don't have the answers, we might have some insights as to where our person is at mentally, but we don't always know the triggers and often how no idea when things will get better, often we wonder if things will get better. There are good days and there are bad days and we don't always have those answers in advance. If you ask us to do things we might not know if we'll feel up to it or if our person will feel up to it, often we don't know until the moment has arrived. If for some reason we come alone just say you're glad to see us, ask if we're doing okay, then move on. If we bring it up, then ask questions, if we don't it's because we feel overwhelmed and have no idea what to say.
We know that at the heart of this conversation is love, you want what's best for us and what is best for our person, we want what is best for us, for our person and for you. Sometimes this means talking, sometimes this means keeping things close to our chest, it isn't because we don't love you, it's just because some battles are fought in dark corners and that's how we grow. Thank you for loving us, thank you for being there for us. Remember that each person's journey is unique for them, Heavenly Father has an individual journey for each one of us, it will look different than other people. We would like happy endings and days away, sometimes we feel like that isn't an option, that doesn't mean we're picked on, it just means we're balancing sanity with expectations.
With that being said, these really are my own thoughts on the matter, as I've said, each journey is unique and different, so what works for me, might not for someone else, when in doubt ask...then just roll with what you discover.
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