The thought came for this post yesterday in the temple and I've been wrestling with it ever since. Partially because I'm not quite sure how to get down in the written word and have it still make sense and partially because I'm struggling with it on a spiritual level and I'm not even sure if what is on my mind is true for anyone else or if it is just part of my own journey.
In Mormon 9 Moroni says:
19 And if there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles.
20 And the reason why he ceaseth to do miracles
among the children of men is because that they dwindle in unbelief, and
depart from the right way, and know not the God in whom they should trust.
This teaches us that our God is a God of miracles, but we must have a belief that those miracles will happen in our lives. So once we believe that God will enact miracles on our behalf what do we do? Well we ask and pray for them and then stand back and wait for them to come of course...
So then what happens when they don't come, when you pray for so many different things, some confirmation that you have made the right decision, a gift left on your doorstep letting you know you aren't alone, angels to protect against the constant barrage of the adversary, some relief in sight after weeks of frustration and loneliness, divine intervention informing that you really are forgiven, or some other tender mercy you hear about all the time in the Ensign or in testimony meeting, but they don't come. You pray and nothing comes, things don't mysteriously fall into place, you are not "magically" led to just the right course of action. You hope and pray, then wonder when the miracles He promised will come.
And then the realization slowly comes creeping in (mostly because you've been fighting it for days), your Father in Heaven is a God of miracles and because He loves you He will not use miracles to take away your agency or to prevent your growth. There was a time when you could go to others and they could help fix the aches and pains (both physical and emotional), clear baggage and help me see more clearly. Now when I go to them they are constrained by the spirit to tell me to do the work. Wow do I miss being five years old spiritually, being able to have independence, try new things, but still have a taller person around to help me do that which I feel unable to do. But as I think about being a five year old I remember my mom telling me to start getting things on my own (that usually meant I'd pull a chair up to the cabinet, then climb on the cabinet to get stuff). Though it was frustrating to have to struggle for things when I knew mom could get it so easily, it also meant that I learned how to problem solve, not give up and have great climbing skills. I am at a stage in my spiritual journey where I need to work for it, when I need to put the gifts that Heavenly Father has given me to work, yes my Father will always be there to help me when I have exhausted my efforts, He will always send angels in my need, but there are some things I just have to do on my own as I grow to become the spiritual giant He needs me to be, I can't do that without trying. Getting that answer has been especially painful when I hear of others having moments of amazing heavenly intervention or when I feel overwhelmed and I just want the adversary, his minions and their weapons to go away, but we are at a stage in the history of this world when we can't coast anymore, we can't wait for others to fight our battles for us, we must be willing to fight the good fight if we expect to reap the eternal rewards.
We are children of a God of miracles, He will send those miracles to us in our times of need and sometimes just because we have the belief and the faith and other times, because we are children of a God of miracles and we are inheritors of that power, He won't send the miracles so that we can become beings of faith that will one day have the power to be a God of miracles for others who come after.
We live in an amazing time, we can't allow ourselves to coast. Yes the battle will be tough, yes the battle will be painful, yes sometimes there will be emotions or voices in your head telling you mean nasty things and coloring your view and you have no idea how they got there or how to make them leave, make them leave anyway. Do not allow yourself to host that which is negative, base, derogatory, or unsavory, because I can tell you they don't leave easily and they very quickly cloud out reality and what is truth. So when things come (and I know they will, this life is a test, so we are tested, our limits are tested to the utmost to see if we will stay true when everything comes at us to sway us, this life is also a battle and Satan and His minions aren't backing down, they will use every weapon, tool and tactic they have to dishearten, weaken, distract and destroy, they know the time of the Millenium is coming when they will be bound and their work will be halted, this is the bottom of the ninth for them and they are working hard, it is the bottom of the ninth for us as well, don't lose ground now, you can make it), you hold to the rod, you hold to your Savior, you hold to the faith of times past and you hold to that voice inside you that still cries out to your Father in Heaven even when you feel beset by spirits of anger, frustration, loathing and bitterness. You hold to the voice inside that tells you our loving Heavenly Father has eternity for you and this is just a small moment. You hold to the voice that goes to your Savior and says "I don't get, but I know you can teach me" and hold to the love that walked into a garden and died on a cross. This is a battle, this is a fight for our lives, be vigilant, be brave, be courageous, the enemy might not sleep, but there are more that be with us than be with him.
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