School starts tomorrow...this marks the second year of school starting since I graduated with my bachelors and I'm having a hard time. There was a time when my plans would have said I'd be starting my second year of a master's program and on my way to another degree, thick into writing papers, engaging in fast pace discussions and working toward defining myself in accordance with professor expectations and how to prepare for a PhD or some job in my field.
Yet here I am with a job clearing others through grad school graduation requirements and trying to figure my purpose for being here in this life. Now this isn't to say that I'm not working on things, working to progress and learn, but it isn't the same as having assignments where I know the due date, I have the rubric before me and I'm constantly showing what I'm learning. No, this is a harder test, there is a plan and a purpose, there are things I need to learn here and now that I can't learn any other way, but I can't see them, I don't know the specifics of heavenly assignments and it is very hard not to feel purposeless.
As I learned today in Sunday School the universe is a very big place, life here on this earth really is very fleeting, eighty years compared to 255 million years is rather small. Our existence in this life is but a short time as we think into the eternities, but it is important. What we do here ripples through the eternities. How we learn to learn, how we show our valiancy all matter. We are not just living this life, biding our time, waiting until death finds us and then we move onto judgment and a kingdom, life is so much bigger than that. In the book Anne of Green Gables Miss Stacy (Anne's teacher) tells Anne that her character will be decided by the time she reaches 20. Now that rather scared Anne because she reached 20 and didn't feel "done" yet. She realized that the foundation might have been set to guide her choices and her desires, but she still had a life before. As we look into the eternities now is the time when we set the foundation for our characters. Will we be warriors of light? Will we be angels will trumps spreading the amazing life giving word, will we be content to go with the flow? Who will we choose to be?
The time in this life is so very important, which is why Satan does so much to distract and lull us to sleep, he does see us as spiritual giants will miraculous potential and he'd just as soon not have to deal with that side of us. Perhaps that's what has me feeling so very aimless tonight. If we don't see the small efforts we make each day as something that forms our eternal character, then we just see the mundane and pointless.
So here I sit...I still don't have a better idea of what my next step is and I still feel without dragons to fight, but that doesn't leave my life without meaning, it just means now is the time when i check on my eternal nature, see where I'm at and what small things I can do to strengthen that foundation so that when the Lord does need a warrior of light I have created a being that can be just that. That through the mundane and innocuous I have shown that I can be consistent and faithful, so then when the big stuff comes I have what I need to do the work.
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