It is a good check to self-centeredness when you realize that everyone is dealing with something, on the other had that doesn't stop you from feeling overwhelmed by what you are dealing with and frustrated by things outside of your control. This was just such a week for me. I just felt that so much of what was going on was outside of my control and that all the things I wanted to start doing so that I could feel something was in my control were not appropriate at this stage of things. So I got frustrated, then realized that getting frustrated wasn't a good option so I tried to tamp down my emotions and pretty much just get over things. P.S. that isn't a good way to deal with or work through things, because instead of processing the emotion you just stuff it down inside you with no way for it to ever leave. By the time Friday came around I was just feeling stuffed with emotion, sadness, frustration, confusion and just plain over-whelmed. With all of these emotions inside me boiling around as I walked across campus to work I was confused when the Spirit said to take off my shoe and stand in the grass for a while, but I did and you know what it made so much of a difference. All of that emotion that I had trapped inside, refusing to accept or deal with was able to just flow out of me, no longer bottled in with cement and mental restraints. I wondered later if perhaps that isn't a part of what makes winter so hard for us, not only do we miss the sun and the light it brings, but we also (when the earth is covered with snow for months on end) miss the connections to the earth we so badly need. I am a strong believer, especially after the marked change it brought this week, at the power of connecting with the earth (growing things like grass) and letting go of the stress, pain, fear and purposefully sending it down in to the earth and away from us. I also learned that sometimes it isn't enough just to think things, sometimes you have to take the time to visualize them and let yourself feel, to show forth real intent.
Joseph Smith taught in the Lectures on Faith that faith is really just seeing what we have sought in our minds come to fruition in the world around us. Sometimes when our emotions speak so loudly we get so focused on controlling them or shepherding them we forget we can simply choose to consciously let them go. I realize I have much to learn in this area, but I'm thankful Heavenly Father gave me the opportunity to learn to be a better steward of my emotions inside and out.
He also gave me an important reminder that just because a song doesn't necessarily have anything bad in it, doesn't make it a good song. Satan would have us rationalize that just because something isn't bad it is a good thing to do. But I would guess that Heavenly Father realizes that we are at a point that just because something isn't bad doesn't make it good enough for us. We have been called a part from the world, to be different, to seek after the best things, not the not bad things. I am thankful for His infinite patience with me, knowing that I am imperfect, that sometimes the natural man speaks loudly and wants to go back sometimes instead of moving forward. Heavenly Father isn't so much concerned with the slips as He does our desire to keep getting up and trying again.
I'm thankful for this mortal journey that just keeps teaching me things, sometimes about the inner workings of myself, sometimes about relationships and sometimes about how I can interact with the world. This life is an important step toward eternity, what we learn and do here is preparation for all that will come. Heavenly Father knows He can be patient because He knows the foundation here is so important.
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