I wish I knew what to write this week. After a week of late exhausting homework nights and emotional ouches, some that are my own fault and some I just share in because I am part of the human race I am empty. I admit to feeling a bit ill-used and a bit abandoned. I've tried so hard not to become angry or let hopelessness at my foibles overwhelm me. I have a specific idea in mind about how I would like my life to go and you know what, it just isn't unfolding that way.
When I left on my mission my setting apart promised me that if I were faithful I would receive my hearts desire, at first that heart's desire was to have my young man waiting at home for me, then the longer I served and fell in love with the Vietnamese it was to stay and serve them with all my heart, then just as I reached this conclusion I got sick and had to face coming home. In a blessing just before coming home I was told that this was the perfect plan, that going home didn't mean the end of my service, just another turn in the path.
A few months ago I discovered I no longer knew where my social security card resided. I knew that I had put it in a place very safe and secure, I just couldn't remember where that was. Having lost things in the past I knew that I needed to pray, leave it in God's hands and move forward. Today I woke up to a missing church notes notebook and my checkbook...it's been a rough couple of months for my memory (I totally blame it on trying to cram chemistry into my head). Feeling distraught I took it to the Lord then went to church.
This week as previously stated has been such a hard week, a friend and my fiance were struggling and I had no idea how to help them. In trying to help them I have felt lonely, confused and abandoned, and I still haven't quite figured out how to feel differently.
Now you may be wondering what these three stories have in common...They each tell of something not quite going my way or not quite turning out the way I wanted. Yet Heavenly Father takes these moments to teach us. Today after church I came home determined to find what I had lost. With a prayer in my heart I set out. Within moments I found the check book, remembered where I left my notebook and even found my card forgotten months before. These were not coincidence, I had looked and pondered, but today they were found. As I knelt down thanking my Father for revealing my lost items to me I realized that the desires of my heart are still in store. They certainly have taken their own sweet time, but that's just because the time isn't right for it. Just as I found that card which I have spent months praying for Heavenly Father desires to grant me my needs and wants and sometimes those things don't coincide simultaneously.
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