Life is too short

This Thanksgiving weekend most definitely did not turn out as I was expecting. It started out well enough with getting some extra hours at work and getting some really good deals at Smith's, yet by the time I got home I was one grumpy lady. As my husband says, when I come in the door barking he knows there's trouble. What still makes me sad is that I didn't notice until hours later and I couldn't figure out why he was so distant. It took until 11 pm to finally sort everything out, talk through everything and for us to be okay. That night as I cried alone in my bedroom my heart hurt to think about the pain I had caused my kind hearted husband and how I had set the wrong tone in my house. I had opened our home to negative influences because I contribute to the spirit of my home. We have so much control over what happens in our home and I don't think we realize it enough. We control how we feel based on what we bring into our home and what we invite inside through media and emotions. Wednesday I learned that if I come home angry, whether I consciously make the choice or not that spirit reverbrates in my home and changes how I interact with the people I love. We do have a choice. Now I realize that we can't always control everything that comes out of our mouth, but I do know that what we focus on in our thoughts will at some point come out of our mouth. If we want to say positive things then we need to dwell on positive things in our thoughts. Sometimes things will just come out, sometimes we say things we instantly regret, the key is to apologize as soon as we feel that regret. Don't let the negativity keep growing. Don't let what you said grow a wedge between you and those you love.

Just because we can't unsay what comes out of our mouth, we can restore peace and harmony by saying and showing that we are sorry. The power of the Atonement can heal any hurt, but the longer the hurt lasts the harder it is to forget about it. So when something negative comes out do not waste time or bow to pride and wait to say you're sorry. Life is too short to let hurt last any longer than it takes to say I'm sorry.

More than We Realized We Could Be

Stake Conference today elicited some interesting ideas, now if I finish this post it means I haven't been struck by lightning and this is a message we all need to be reminded of. Or just that Heavenly Father is storing up his lightning for more pressing causes, either way ;-).

I believe we have this misconception about the relationship between justice and the Atonement or justice and grace. I know in my own mind I feel like I have to live up to a certain expectation of goodness or number of good deeds before I can pray for help. I need to have a certain number of hours of scripture study, a certain number of hours of house work, a certain number of hours of homework and a certain number of service hours before I can request heavenly help. I need to reach my own expectations of goodness in order to be worthy of divine aid, sadly my expectations for myself is something that as a human being I just can't do myself. I want to be an amazing wife, house keeper, cook, student (with lots of A's) a good student worker, getting two miles a day in walking and always be anxiously engaged in a good cause. What I'm finding is that most days I'm glad when I've done the dishes, had a bit of cuddle time with my awesome spouse and actually read some of the articles needed for classes the next day and got a half a mile in wandering around campus.

With all of these feelings of falling short of where I want to be I am constantly amazed by the tender mercies the Lord sends to me, especially when I'm up late Saturday night writing a paper and reading text books because I was burned out earlier and ended up watching way too much football. In a world of so many distractions it is hard to find the balance between healthy down time and unhelpful time sucks. Yet Heavenly Father understands this mortal existence and He understands we won't always get it right the first time or the second time or the third time. What He does hope for is that we will want to do better and that we will invite Him into the fray. Our God is greater than we give him credit for, He wants so much to help us. We have a Savior who personally knows mortality and personally knows us. He applauds our efforts and desires and wants us to be better. He also knows our limitations and disappointments. He hasn't drawn some line in the sand and expects us to cross it before He'll offer his support. The day He walked into that Garden was the day He yolked himself with us and said, "I will walk with you, I will talk with you and I will never let you go farther afield than I am willing to go too." He is not waiting for perfection, He waits only for desire. He takes and magnifies our efforts and turns us into something more. This doesn't mean I always get three miles in or that I"ll get all A's, but it does mean I'll end up a better person in the end, it means we can all end up as more than we realized we could be.

Closer to Him

I've had this re-occurring thought for the last couple hours, so we'll see where the writing of it takes us.

Who are we to be powerful? Who are we to step up and make a difference? We are simply wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, friends or seemingly unknown members in our wards. We lead everyday lives with everyday issues, getting homework done, home projects, work deadlines or housework (I think doing dishes just might be the bane of my existence, they just keep multiplying by osmosis, you put them near the sink and the pile keeps getting bigger). We feel so stuck with the duties of life that we wonder if we can even make a difference.

I went to a Mormon women and Authority symposium this week and I received some magnificent insights, but the overall feeling I came away with is that the gender roles in the LDS church are not equal, our roles are not the same, but the importance of those roles are equal and are the same. Giving women the same positions in the church as the brethren don't give us more power, they take us away from our divine sphere and take away from the role men play in God's plan. Heavenly Father didn't make our roles the same because he knew the family and the church needed different strengths and weaknesses in different places to help things role smoothly. Now these roles shouldn't be iron-clad with no flexibility or inter-support help, yet we are truly at our best when we are whole heartedly fulfilling our divine purpose. I'm so thankful for parents who taught me that Heavenly Father has a plan and purpose for me and that I can do great things.

We each have our individual purpose and divine mission, sometimes in the thick of school, work, chores, temple and church callings I feel so overwhelmed, I can't see how I am making a difference. All I see is the many school assignments I fudge or dishes that stay in the sink until they start smelling funky because I feel I am needed elsewhere. Yet it is in those moments when we feel called to somewhere else that we are fulfilling our divine duties. Before coming to this earth we covenanted to do certain things on this earth, we promised we would help serve someone in their time of need and that we would be certain places at certain times. When we are doing the best we can with the time we have and have a heart open to do whatever the Spirit will ask we are powerful, the Lord will magnify our efforts to protect our children, our homes, our work environments and we have the power to change lives. Just because the work we do isn't heart surgery, or running governments or being inspirational speakers doesn't mean that we aren't changing hearts, that we aren't changing how people view the world and that we aren't changing lives for the better, doing the Lord's work in whatever capacity He calls us to will change lives for the better. A mother's love is a powerful thing and the work of the family (whether spouse or child) means coming nearer to our Heavenly Father and we are all seeking to be closer to Him.

Moving Forward Anyway

I am in awe after reviewing my lists of posts and seeing how many views they have received. Due to your continuing support this blog has reached 2150 views. I've been writing this blog for about a year now and wow the journey we have gone on together. As I look at the different posts I see a lot of ideas repeated and reminders of just how cyclical life is. Just as soon as we think we've got a principle conquered it shows up again in a whole new form and we start again. Patience has shown up quite often, a reminder to look for tender mercies, being grateful and maintaining hope just to name a few, all things necessary to keeping the faith and keep moving forward.

Lately I've had something different on my mind, well a whole bunch of something new, but it really all comes down to forgiveness, the Atonement, the temple and that the prophets have a reason and it isn't because they are bigots. Serving in the temple yesterday I realized something in initiatory, we have been given all the blessings we need to be successful in this journey. Heavenly Father blesses us in the temple to be able to face the trials and challenges by strengthening our bodies to match the needs of a temporal world. Heavenly Father has not left us defenseless. The media world is in uproar that the church has lost its way and is destroying the lives of children and many have come forth denouncing the church for being bigots and going against the very principles we preach. I don't believe that is the case, yet no argument I provide will change your mind, what I can say is I know that Heavenly Father loves all His children and that our Savior Jesus Christ is the head of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, He entered a garden and bore our pains and sins, He understands the hurt this life can cause, He understands the paradoxes and confusion, it is not new to Him. He knows we have a limited mindset, yet He does not think less of us, He simply has more empathy. The doctrine of family is based on a man and a woman coming together in bonds of marriage and bringing children into this world, for only a man and a woman have the correct parts to create a child. This power of procreation is an eternal gift and blessing and only those in this union can progress in the next life and continue having spirit children. The plan of salvation isn't just about individual families, it is about the many spirit children on the other side of the veil waiting to come to this life and receive bodies, they are dammed if they never receive a body. Heavenly Father wants all of His spirit children to receive bodies and have the opportunity to become like him. This doctrine isn't about hate or discrimination nor is it about setting out to hurt others, it is about eternal truth. I love people of any denomination or life choice and I say that honestly for I know that God loves them, He created them and gave them agency and hopes so much that we will each use it to return to Him. My heart aches for those who are lost in confusion or misunderstanding or who feel so far from the divine grace of our Saviour Jesus Christ.

There is no such thing as relative truth, there is eternal truth and none of us are perfect. We all fall short of the glory of God and we all need Christ's help to become clean. I know there are a myriad of sins out there and a myriad of ways we can mess up, I have seen up close and personal just how fall we souls can fall and just how deep our Saviour dives to save us, we are never too far away from his grasp, we have never gone too far for His help in our lives. Each soul can change and become different. We don't have to be what we were yesterday and we don't have to stay where we are today, our Father is more willing to forgive than we give Him credit for, the debt is already paid and He knows our hearts, we lived with Him before we came to this life, He knew then and knows now the struggles we will face, He knows we will fall short and He is excitedly waiting to take us in His arms and make the hurt and pain go away. We truly can become clean and purity of intent is the place to start.

I don't know how these two ideas go together, but I know this knowledge can change lives. So often we think this life is just about being fair and if something isn't fair to make it so. Life isn't about fair, it is about understanding that it isn't and moving forward anyway and doing the best we can with what we have. Sometimes we feel unfairly targeted or feel that we face things that no one else can understand, they might not, but that doesn't give us cause to mope, it gives us cause to learn what we can do and be whatever it is we are the best that we can.

Sometimes

Sometimes life doesn't turn out how we expect it to be. Sometimes classes are more overwhelming than we expect, sometimes callings come that we didn't see coming, sometimes marriage is not what tons of Disney movies have portrayed (which we all know, but somehow that still catches us by surprise, and really with movies like Parent Trap and Cinderella what is the stereotype they portray anyway?...but I digress) and sometimes the one frozen Asian dish you just really want isn't on sale or not even at the grocery story you're shopping at. Sometimes we feel lonely in Relief Society and other times unknown just when we really feel isolated and just need someone to pay attention. And sometimes the choir director says they don't need another soprano, just when your heart is longing to sing.

These moments come to all of us at one time or another, tis part of this thing called life. We wouldn't grow, nor learn empathy, or compassion or the value of peace if moments of storminess never entered our clear skies. Heavenly Father understood that greater happiness comes as does perspective when life doesn't necessarily go our way. Sometimes we don't think we have a right to tears when other people are dealing with what seems like bigger things, whether it be a death in the family, cancer or unemployment. We seem to think we need to fit into specific criteria in order to have emotions, this is definitely not the case, sometimes things just hurt. Tears can cleanse a heart and prepare it to learn. Sometimes tears grant us perspective we can't see when we feel so overwhelmed by so many compounded things. I think that Heavenly Father as a perfect being cries with us, even when tomorrow will be all right again, he knows that in this moment it hurts. Never fear to take tears to the Lord or think that your situation isn't good enough to invite Him into it, because He knows what this life can be like and He loves us through it all.