He wasn't the One who Moved

I think that because last week's post struck me so powerfully that this week just had to be weird to keep me guessing. The week has gone by so quickly, it seems like just yesterday it was Sunday and I was prepping my brain for classes and looking forward to Spring Break, well Spring Break is upon us and that last week went by very quickly.

With the speed of daily life in which we now live in it can become difficult to keep our priorities in the right order. With more tv shows than we can shake a stick at, multiple music options, home work to do, family to be with and noise constantly blasting at us it can be easy to allow our priorities to slip out of whack, even when we have set time for scripture study and prayer we might find ourselves simply going through the motions and not coming to the table thirsting and desiring to feast on the words of the Lord and come to Him in supplication desiring to truly communicate. I found myself in that position this week, having had such a full spiritual day last Sunday I guess a part of me just thought it would carry through the week with me, I was stressed about getting through the week, arranging family time, doing homework, and staying up much later than was good for me with all of these things I ended up in a fog of habit, not necessarily of true commitment. This morning I woke up and realized it had been about a week since I'd had a fulfilling conversation with my father in heaven, each night and morning I'd try, but I'd usually be too tired or too distracted, so this morning I took the time to share my angsty feelings, my fears, concerns and frustrations and I felt pretty empty for my troubles. I felt disconnected and weary of trying. I know the Pres Young quote that when you don't feel like praying that is when you need to stay on your needs longer, but after 20 mins I didn't feel much progress. So I did the only thing I could, I started my day, got ready for church and sat in Fast and Testimony meeting wondering if I had anything to contribute. As I pondered the spirit said just go up there. I wasn't feeling particularly warm and fuzzy at the moment, but knew I should. And as I stood at the pulpit I felt just how much the Lord did love, how much my Father in Heaven does want a relationship with me and just how much they care for each of us.

The sister who shared her testimony after me said what I felt in my heart when she shared a poem written on a wall on a concentration camp "I believe in the sun, even when it isn't shining, I believe in love even when someone isn't there, I believe in God even when He is silent." My purpose today was to believe even when God was silent, I hadn't been giving Him the attention all week, so when I all of a sudden wanted Him my heart wasn't ready to feel His presence again, it took an act of my on my part, standing and testifying of what I knew to be true, even if I didn't feel it in the moment allowed me to feel it.

We live in a world so chaotic and concerning with so many contradictory voices and times when we don't feel like the Savior is near, those are the moments when we need to made the sacrifice to get closer to Him, for I testify, He wasn't the one who moved.

In those moments when we feel forsaken or forgotten neither is true, our Heavenly Father is waiting for us to act in faith so that we can greater feel the gifts and love He has for us.