It is a gift to feel

 I watched a man tonight, a man who had been blown up in an IED explosion in Iraq fighting a war others had started, sing God Bless America. This man* who had lost a limb, suffered two heart attacks, two strokes and was in a coma for months and years later is still fighting to speak, sang God Bless America and you could hear in his voice and see in his face that he meant it. He whose life and whose family's lives had turned upside down sang God Bless America. He understood what he had given his "normalcy" for, what his comrades had given their lives for. He understood the sacrifice and the sacrifice required of many, yet he fought the good fight and continues to fight it everyday. I am so thankful for his sacrifice, for his family's sacrifice and for the sacrifice of millions through the years, for their love of country, their sense of duty and patriotism and for their willingness to go to the end in service. "For the families of those who have fallen everyday is memorial day." (General Dunford)

   I am also so thankful for those who have gone before us, for their legacy of faith, love and hope for a better future. I am thankful for ancestors who fought the good fight and continue to fight it on the other side of the veil. For their love and work for themselves and future generations.

   And I find myself tonight wondering how they did it. We live in a world that seems to focus on the negative. And let's face it we do live in a world of gathering darkness, the adversary is on the loose and he loves to wreak havoc. He already knows how his story ends, ps he loses, his only consolation is taking as many of us with him and if he can't do that then he would like to see us as miserable as possible. Many ask if God loves us how can there be war, how can there be pain, how can there be so much misery, if He is God why does He allow this for His children. As someone who does her best not to ask those questions myself (but sometimes they do come to mind) I know that sometimes even having the "eternal perspective" answers aren't a comfort. Seeing those you love in pain and being in pain yourself can sometimes give a crust of bitterness to perspective. But as I watched that man sing tonight I wondered how do you move past that crust and find joy in the moment. At first I was going to ask how to not be bitter period, but I think that does our humanity a disservice and can break a heart that doesn't want to be bitter, but doesn't know how to get past it. A heart that sits alone at church because they don't know if they can answer "good" the next time someone else asks "how are you?" assuming things are good, a heart that doesn't want pity, but doesn't know how long the facade will last, a heart that realizes things could be worse, but still hurts with things the way they are, a heart that wants to be grateful and sees things to be grateful for, but just doesn't feel it. A heart that knows Christ can heal the wounds, but no matter how many times that heart goes to the Garden doesn't know how to leave things there.

  So what do you say to that heart? I don't know, because not every answer works every time or for every person, because sometimes it isn't about solutions it isn't about conclusions, it is about saying it hurts and having someone else say I know. Our Savior Jesus Christ meets us where we are. I used to think that meant He offered balm of Gilead where we are and healing and help. Now I am beginning to realize He does meet us where we are, even when that means we have walls the size of Texas around our hearts and all He can do is stand outside and wait, that means He walks by our sides and listens as we rail and worry, question and weep and just waits. He understands that sometimes there isn't anything you can do, sometimes healing takes time and coming to ourselves is the longest part. How do we move past the crust of bitterness that will come to us? We realize that sometimes it's just part of the healing process, but light will come again. Remember that because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ every tear will be made up ten fold and that pain won't last for forever. Find joy in the good moments, even when you know they will only last for a moment. Remember that this life is just a step to a bigger future and that your natural ability to bounce back is a gift, not a lack of caring. Embrace the smiles because they are a glimpse of better to come. Embrace the tears because they show you care. Embrace the pain, embrace the numbness, embrace each day because this is life, sometimes it is good, sometimes it is bad, but it is life and it is a gift to feel and to live.  As Pres Hinckley said, "the trick is to thank the Lord for the ride."



*Louie Avila