Sometimes

Sometimes life doesn't turn out how we expect it to be. Sometimes classes are more overwhelming than we expect, sometimes callings come that we didn't see coming, sometimes marriage is not what tons of Disney movies have portrayed (which we all know, but somehow that still catches us by surprise, and really with movies like Parent Trap and Cinderella what is the stereotype they portray anyway?...but I digress) and sometimes the one frozen Asian dish you just really want isn't on sale or not even at the grocery story you're shopping at. Sometimes we feel lonely in Relief Society and other times unknown just when we really feel isolated and just need someone to pay attention. And sometimes the choir director says they don't need another soprano, just when your heart is longing to sing.

These moments come to all of us at one time or another, tis part of this thing called life. We wouldn't grow, nor learn empathy, or compassion or the value of peace if moments of storminess never entered our clear skies. Heavenly Father understood that greater happiness comes as does perspective when life doesn't necessarily go our way. Sometimes we don't think we have a right to tears when other people are dealing with what seems like bigger things, whether it be a death in the family, cancer or unemployment. We seem to think we need to fit into specific criteria in order to have emotions, this is definitely not the case, sometimes things just hurt. Tears can cleanse a heart and prepare it to learn. Sometimes tears grant us perspective we can't see when we feel so overwhelmed by so many compounded things. I think that Heavenly Father as a perfect being cries with us, even when tomorrow will be all right again, he knows that in this moment it hurts. Never fear to take tears to the Lord or think that your situation isn't good enough to invite Him into it, because He knows what this life can be like and He loves us through it all.

This Journey Called Life

We live in a world where emotions are more than acceptable, where football coaches are seen shouting on the sidelines when a call doesn't go their way and we simply say "oh he's just passionate", we see drivers flipping each other off, not just for being cut off, but when the driver in front doesn't accelerate past the speed limit fast enough and where cyber bullying is one of the biggest cultural problems of our time.

When did we buy into this idea that we can do and say whatever we want and there won't be any consequences, that it is our right to vent our spleen (lose our temper) at anyone and that we won't be harmed by it? Now I have just given some pretty strong examples, what about the smaller ones? Nagging someone for not taking out the garbage, or constantly thinking negative thoughts about those close to us and expecting those ideas not to leave our mouths. Now as my husband and I were talking last night, sometimes we can't control what pops into our thoughts, but we can control what we knowingly invite in and what we chose to entertain. Negative thoughts can be the first step in injuring a relationship with those we love.

I'd like to think that in our pre-mortal life we had a really good idea at what we would face here, maybe not every speeding ticket or C grade, but we agreed and covenanted to certain things that our Heavenly Father knew we would need in this life to learn and grow to become who He needed us to be. He understood what gifts and talents we had developed and would be bringing with us in this life. He knew how those gifts and talents would need to be refined for our divine potential to continue shining through.

So in those moments when we feel frustrated at that one more task we wish someone would do for us, or when we feel lonely, or frustrated that we just can't quite seem to figure something out, be patient, count to ten because what starts as a seed in our mind can wreak havoc on our hearts and lives.

In Phillipians and Colossians Paul talks about being rooted in Christ and rejoicing in the Lord daily. What does that mean in everyday application? Perhaps that we need to remember who is the author and finisher of our faith, He has felt those moments of frustration and pain and He knows how to succor us, He knows how to grant the peace our heart is crying out for, He knows the blessings we've received and knows what those blessings can do in our lives. Let Him help, ask Him to help you count your blessings, allow Him to help you find the good, for there is so much good in this world to find, there is so much beauty and love to be found if we have open hearts to see it.

Society has forgotten the consequences of not controlling our temper and of letting frustration and bitterness grow, don't buy into that, we do more as disciples of Christ when we remember that people are inherently good and that we are all trying in this journey called life.

Blessings beyond Measure

So about a year ago I wrote a blog that asked a question, "what's the matter with being different?" I find myself asking that question once again. As human beings we like to make parameters of what we'd like to call normal, certain things that everybody should do so we think that they fit in and that they are on the right path, specifically with in the church. We sometimes fall prey to this idea that things have to happen a certain way in order to be the perfect LDS family. As a newly married madame I'm learning that all those nice ideas I had about marriage and family life were pretty much just that, nice ideas.

Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't strive for perfection and that we shouldn't have ideals in mind. What I am saying is that we shouldn't judge ourselves too harshly when those ideals don't get put into play. We are all on an individual journey to return to our Heavenly Father so why do we think each journey should look the same, news flash it shouldn't! Our purpose in this life is to learn how to create an atmosphere where the Spirit can be with us and guide us, past that, just about anything can happen. We are also here to know our Father in Heaven here on earth just as we once knew Him in our pre-earth life. We will mess up sometimes, we will become distracted, we will feel lonely, we will feel like we are sticking out like a sore thumb, we will need to learn to re-organize our priorities sometimes to things we did not expect, yet each of these things will ultimately take us closer to the being that created us and loves us more than eternity. He sees our potential and He sees our purpose, He will take us down roads we did not expect and some paths that feel so dark and uncertain, He may appear silent in those time we feel we need Him most, yet the power of faith is most evident when there is no sign of God anywhere yet still we choose to obey Him, it is those moments when the adversary is thwarted in his purpose. (C.S Lewis, Screwtape Letters) It is this faith that draws us to an eternal goal and blessings beyond measure.

A Steadfast Spirit

I had an epiphany of sorts today, many might disagree with me, but I think I want to pose an hypothesis, it is easier to be in touch with the Lord when we are struggling with a trial or feel that life isn't fair. Now that might seem a contradiction in terms, some would think we are closer to the Savior when things are going well and we see our blessings, but I don't think that is how human nature actually works.

For two and a half years I was an engaged person without a wedding date and sometimes fears of whether I would ever actually get married crept in. In those moments I went to the Lord pleading for confirmation that I was on the right path, that I should hang in there and continue being full of support and love. I pled in quiet nights when I feared being alone and crazy nights when I felt like things just weren't going my way. In those two years there have been so many heart aches, fears, ups and downs and growth that accompanies life. I learned to go to the Lord instead of my partner when I got frustrated and I learned not to be frustrated with Heavenly Father when things didn't go the way I thought they should on the path He placed me on (oxymoronic I know).  Though sometimes painful I felt so blessed I knew the Lord was nearby, that He knew the frustration and He was there to help.

Fast forward two years, six months and five weeks, I am so blessed. I have a loving supportive husband, we are integrating into our new ward and I haven't imploded from work, school and spousedom. I don't have everything figured out, yet I'm loving the life I have. And I feel like I'm not checking in with Heavenly Father near as much as I could or should. I check in when I lose things around the house or when I feel overwhelmed with my capstone project, yet the growth I felt for two years feels a thing of the past.

Perhaps the battle of this mortal life is not just facing the struggles with faith and trust, but learning how to maintain that relationship with Heavenly Father when you see the blessings and feel so blessed. It is that desire to keep checking in, to find what you need to tweek to continue learning and growing. As the apostles say trials are perfectly arranged for growth, yet we can still yearn for progression when we have moved past one and grow towards the next. Because even plants need some sunshine to grow. There is service to give, the Spirit to seek and follow and work we can do.

A light on a Hill

As I prepared for the messages of this conference I took the council of the prophets and apostles and I came to the sessions with a prayerful heart and some questions. I anxiously waited for each new talk waiting for that one thing I needed to answer my questions and prepare me for the six months ahead. Each session I enjoyed each of the talks and loved the messages, but none of them rang true to me as the answer I was seeking. I felt a bit gipped, I wondered why the heavens were silent when I thought I was prepared for something so profound. Then as I listened to the new apostles this morning I heard things that reverberated to my deepest heart. All along I had been expecting to receive some big moment that would confirm to me that Heavenly Father had this complicated game plan that would help me learn to be a wife and student simultaneously, there would be specific, detailed instructions on a journey I needed to prepare to take, but none of those came. Instead the call to be a righteous wife, a loving friend, a supportive ward member, to be a light to someone in need. All of these things that sounded so mundane, not the adventure and fight I had in mind that Heavenly Father had for me.

Though not an adventure, it is a fight and a struggle to be all of those things. I'm sure all of us at one time or another have prayed like Pres Eyring "give me this trial" give me some grand way to prove my faith, when in all actuality proving our faith is a daily battle, loving the people closest to us when they see things a bit differently or have a different style of neatness, or loving a co-worker that just seems so difficult in the moment. These moments that seem so average and everyday are the moments when our character is determined, when our example is tested and when we can shine the brightest. Never turn down the mundane for the desire for something greater, we can be the most powerful and influential just by trying to be a little better everyday.

My answer today was love your husband like I love him, I think we can all do a little better at seeing others as our Father in Heaven sees them, He sees where they came from, what they are going through and where they will go, who are we to short change them and the Lord who paid the price for each of us. I am so very grateful that He chose to pay that price that I can try a little harder to be a little better, to count to five instead of just to three or to sit patiently at a desk when I just want to run away or chose a different song than the one I've been stuck on for a couple weeks.

To me the message of this conference was hold tight to what you know, work to live what you know and take every opportunity, big or small to be like Christ. I'm so excited to learn more on this journey.

Captain my Captain

My dear sweet husband has been dealing with one stressed cookie today. In our post wedding, post honeymoon, post opened presents world I am feeling so stressed to get things put away, keep track of our presents and not lose the cards that have money or gift cards in them and not to mention getting thank you cards out. So I just want to shout out to everyone, thank you so much for your love and support on our wedding day and the much love that continues popping up afterward. I apologize for my tardiness in sending out cards of gratitude, it just keeps abounding and I have no idea how to keep up.

So I'm learning a thing or two, stress does not make things go better or faster and it puts your spouse at a loss. I'm grateful for my husband's kind patience in looking for things that I put away and for reminding me that things take time and people won't feel less loved if things take time.

There are so many things in this life that we think we need to stress over. So many of my prayers include pleas for help to get this thing done and that thing done and guidance of what to do, who to become and how to do it. All of these things are good and important and should have a place in our lives. But as I learned this morning, when I take my game plan of things I need to the Lord more often then not He'll respond, not quite, be patient, have faith and wait. We need to be anxiously engaged and we should be seeking for God's direction in our lives, but there is true power in being still and knowing He is control. As we pray every morning for an open heart to receive His direction and as we seek His will He will direct and help us, but if we get too caught up in our plan or if we are stressed into a corner we are not able to be directed. There is true power in allowing Christ to be our Captain and guide and trusting Him to direct and help. We can't do everything ourselves, the beauty is that we aren't supposed to.

Gems Along the Way

I apologize for my two weeks absence, I promise it was for a good cause :-) and I want to thank everyone who kept stopping by, I was a bit afraid that my thoughts that I sent out into cyber space would be lost, but you faithful people have kept it alive in my absence.


As I hinted at in my last post I was preparing to enter the House of the Lord and be sealed for time and all eternity and after two years of maybes, perhaps and almost there's my fiance and I made it, we are now husband and wife. The power in that house is truly amazing! As my now husband (who isn't a big fan of large groups of people) said "our time in the temple gave me a boost of energy so I can face the reception." It has given both of us a burst of power to start our life together.

You know all those quotes you read about needing to be happy now, to not wait for that certain something you're wishing for in order to be happy. In the past few years I've tried to do my best to find joy in the moment and now that I have received what I've been excitedly waiting for I realize just how powerful that counsel is. Just because you get what you wanted doesn't make the world a miraculously happy magical place. Please do not get me wrong, I LOVE BEING MARRIED!!! It is awesome and our trip to the Oregon coast was beautiful and brilliant, I really, really, really love the Red Woods! Yet even  in all the beauty there are aspects of marriage that are unfamiliar, a bit foreign and just weird. In uniting two people from different backgrounds, different perspectives and different ways to process emotion, sometimes things hurt, sometimes you have emotions you don't expect. That does not mean that getting married was a bad choice nor does it mean that you flee or question what in the world Heavenly Father is doing. Instead you go to him with gratitude that what you have plead for  and dreamed about has come and say, wow I'm in totally new ground, please help. Our Father knows us and loves us, He cares about us more deeply than we can even imagine and He knows what makes us tick and what we need to grow, and trust me, sometimes that doesn't line up with what we think we need.

(not our ring set, but a very nice stock photo ;-)


As I start this new adventure called married life and face new things that I'm sure many have faced before me, I'm thankful for a loving husband that is there every step of the way and the love of my Heavenly Father that reminds to always look at the best in my husband and trust Him because my loving young man is a gift and a miracle to me. I know that we can grow and change, that we truly can become what our Heavenly Father intends, even on circuitous routes when Father lets us learn precept by precept, line upon line. Like Paul who plead for relief from his "thorn in the flesh" our Father tells us, His grace is sufficient to tackle any challenge and find joy in every moment.

I hope as we all face new adventures we find strength from those around us and the gems along the way.