The Legacy We Bring to the Future

It is so easy to get off track, in the words of the Christian movie "Courageous" it is so easy to take our hands off of the wheel and let life sweep us away. It is so easy to wake up one morning and realize that what we thought our life was is no longer accurate, we let ourselves coast and now we don't recognize where we are. This getting off course can happen in so many different ways, whether after weeks of ignoring the scale we find a number we're not a fan of, or when we are not being as kind in our interactions with others because we forget to wake up each morning and commit to following the example of our Savior, or we wake up in the morning and find the house a mess because we forget that decluttering each day can help the deep cleans so much easier. At whatever point we wake up and find that the circumstances around are not quite what we want we realize that at the heart of it all is a lack of accountability, a large part of following the path we want to be on, a path that leads us closer to our Savior and our Father in Heaven because it teaches us how to be like them and feel comfortable in their presence, we must hold ourselves accountable.

 In the case of not the weight we want, we weigh ourselves each day, not to beat ourselves up, but to track progress, to know what minor changes need to happen, instead of weekly (which then turns to monthly) which can then feel so overwhelming we can't even begin. For more loving kindness we read our scriptures daily to learn about the testimony of the being we are to emulate, a clean house is a matter of doing the dishes, vacuuming and dusting more than once every month anniversary. Staying on whatever path we need to end up where we need to go means being grounded and anchored to our hope and purpose.

The last few weeks I have been drawn to family history in a whole new light, not just names on a computer screen that tie to mine, but names attached to stories, grandparents, uncles, great aunts, these people all lived, they all have stories of faith, stories of learning and growth. The more I learn the more I feel their legacy and want to live it for myself. Family stories connect us to our past and point out to us either a path we choose not to follow or a legacy we hope to share with generations to come. Learning of our family, taking full advantage of this Memorial Day to remember all who have gone before can connect us to our past, gives joy in the present and hope for the future. I hope we can each connect with a family member in a whole new way, a new story, a new memory, to connect us to a story of love, loss, service and hope, this is the legacy we bring into the future.  Stories of the past can anchor us to the path we hope to travel. The legacy given us can keep us accountable when we may stray a step from the path. The hope of sharing the legacy the next generation down, the stories of their faith and sacrifice can help keep us on a path drawing nearer to God.

The Pure Love of Christ

I apologize for being a day late in a blog, for months now I have tried to diligently have something ready to post hopefully before 11 o'clock Sunday night. Well last night the plan changed a little bit.

Yesterday I had the blessed opportunity to hear from Pres Jensen, the temple president of the Logan Temple and Elder Fallabella of the Seventy. In this meeting the Lord touched my heart and reminded me that in my journey of trying to be like Him I might consider working on a few things. Pres Jensen asked us to take a moment and take an inventory of our home. He asked "is your home dedicated, do you have pictures of Christ on your walls, do you have pictures of the temple in your home, what items do you have on your hot cocoa table, are they items that when people enter they would recognize you are a member of the church, what media is playing in the background, does it invite the spirit, is there contention in your home, are there indentations on the floor in your bedroom where you and your loved ones kneel to counsel with the Lord?" Doing these things will invite the spirit into your home and make it a holy place, a place where you can learn the things of eternity and progress and grow.

I admit when he asked about the pictures on the wall I might have enjoyed a small triumphant smile for just a moment, my husband and I were blessed to receive many pictures of Christ and the temple for our wedding so I knew we at least had that covered. But when Pres Jensen asked about the indentations in my bedroom and contention I wondered if I could be quite as confident in answering to the Lord for those. I would like to hope that there are indentations on the floor where my husband and I try to kneel each night for prayer, but I'm sure I could put more effort in truly speaking to Heavenly Father and not simply assume I am leaving messages on a heavenly voicemail that will eventually be heard. And I'm sure that I could do better about having more charity in my heart for the crumbs on the floor and melted cheese in the microwave.

I've been praying for some time about how to better support my spouse and how to offer encouragement that can really make a difference. I received some answers to those questions, even if at first I didn't recognize it. Elder Fallabella shared about building a temple in Guatemala and how the saints sacrificed to help fund the temple, raising $17,000 more dollars than they needed as well as other special moments in sharing the gospel. Just as he was preparing to wrap up or so I thought, he began talking about obedience to commandments blesses us with the ability to learn more about our Heavenly Father and that one large commandment is to have the pure love of Christ. As he described the characteristics of charity, it suffereth long, is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, I realized that was the answer. I have been so focused on having the house cleaned in just such a way, doing the things that I cared about and seeking in my mind after what I wanted to do, I had forgotten how to put my spouse first in my thoughts, I had forgotten that where my thoughts are is where my heart and body follow.

We have been given the example of Christ like love, a love we covenanted to show others at baptism. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father took the time to remind me that I have a covenant that I can live a little better. In this case it means looking for the good, because as Pres. Uchtdorf said, it is easy to find the negative because we are all imperfect, but when we start looking for the good it is easy to find that as well. I hope that in all of our relationships we can remember to seek for the good, remember we are all on different points on the path back to our Savior and that we are loved, because of that love we and those around us can do amazing things. Truly charity never faileth. We have been asked to share that love.

Without you the plan is less perfect

Well it's that time again...Sunday night and I have no idea what I want to write yet. I'm starting this at eight because I have this new goal to go to bed earlier, so I can get up earlier and go for a walk before work, healthy choices come in all varieties and I want to give this one a try.

My parents give their daughters a gift for mother's day each year, even when we were single, usually a book or card with a message about our divine nature and the work of nurturing which is part of our divine role. This year my mom was at a bit of a loss at what she was supposed to get for us, until my sister-in-law gave her the book "To Mothers: Carrying the Torch of Faith and Family" by Elder and Sis. Holland. As soon as mom read that book she promptly went out and got one for each of us. At first I wasn't sure what to think, but the more I've read the more I have craved the message. We do live in a messy world full of darkness, doubts, fears and troubles, yet with our divine role as parents Heavenly Father has given us the powers of heaven to fulfill the role given. Though my husband and I are not yet parents, we are cub scout leaders to a pack of rather rambunctious eight year olds. We have been given the precious opportunity to serve these boys and help them learn things to be courageous, responsible and gospel loving adults. Though we may not have children in our home, we have the opportunity to set an example and show love.  Each of us has this same opportunity. There are so many in the world who could use just a bit more love in their lives, what a glorious opportunity we have to share that love.

There are times in our lives when we feel that life has dealt us a bad hand, that even though we know Heavenly Father is in control and know that he only gives us what we can bear we still feel as if he is over estimating our abilities. Sometimes we forget that life is a precious gift and that we have a purpose. I've forgotten that the last couple of days, I've forgotten that each day, no matter how discouraging or frustrating still has something good to offer. Today in His infinite mercy Heavenly Father sent me those reminders. In my patriarchal blessing He reminded me that I lived with him before I came to this earth, He told me I lived with him before coming to this earth and that because He knew me then and knows me now He has given me a work to do. He sent a book to me, by way of my mom, called "Women of Influence" which tells the story of a mother who lost three children to Cooley's annemia, even though the chances of having two children with it was supposed to be almost impossible. Even though her children knew they had a short time in this life, they knew they had purpose and they fulfilled that purpose. They dedicated the time they had to beautify their world and live each moment to the fullest. We will each encounter things in this life which will bring us to our knees and it is perfectly alright to take time on our knees to pray and regroup, to ask our loving Heavenly Father for his love, his strength and to rediscover our purpose. Heavenly Father has a role for each of us, He has a plan and a purpose and living that purpose and divine role can strengthen us and bring us peace, when we feel stunted or halted in our progress. It truly is an empowering thing when we realize the Creator and Ruler of the Universe has a place for us in his plan, He has a work that only we can do and that without us the plan is less perfect.

We are known, we are needed, we are loved.

It is Love...

So, it's been a very hectic week, the last of my late night paper writing for a while, for a very long while, working on a Special Collections and Archives exhibit for the library, a funeral, early morning temple, graduation and mother's day. Wow, I survived the week.

As I took time today to contemplate my week, the loss of my husband's uncle, a lot of last things, the love and support of family and graduation, the culmination of seven long (sometimes they feel very short) years of study and I realized a couple things.

Though I never met Veryl in this life I am still very blessed by his example and the legacy he left for his family. Being at his funeral on Friday I learned of his optimism, his dedication to his wife and of his service to his country in WWII. As I watched my husband help drape the flag over the casket with special care to place the stars over his heart and then watched the men of the Box Elder legion with exactness perform full military honours. As I heard the shots and taps hover in the air I thought of my own grandfather who served in Korea, of both men who fought for their country because they loved our land and wanted to protect  and serve however they could. These men and many other men and women in my family tree are examples to me of love, service and sacrifice, that there really are causes worth leaving hearth and home for. I am so grateful for that legacy in my life, from both sides of my family.

I've thought a lot about those seven years of my life, the friends I've made, the classes I've taken and the things I've learned, though I worked my way through and faced many a long night after closing work, a lot of late nights after precious hours with my husband, every night was worth it. It is important to sacrifice for the things we value, it is important to work hard in a world of entitlement and easy come and easy go. It is the work that defines, not the degree. I'm so thankful for parents who taught me how important an education is and who supported me, not with money, but with love, encouragement and food to eat and a place to sleep. Their example and encouragement got me here.

After seven years you'd think I'd be excited for a rest, but I already miss it. Studying, taking exams, writing and prepping for discussions have been such a large part of my life. Wanting A's and working for them have defined me since I knew what a GPA was, now I find myself bereft of that goal, but as my dear, husband has said their is a bright future ahead, it requires closing a door to open a new one, who knows what lovely things lie ahead.

As for mother's day, I am so very grateful for my mom. She has taught me how to love, how to serve, how to live by faith. Her careful care of her temple clothing for years showed me the reverence the things of the temple deserved. Her dedication to go each week while on my mission taught me that the temple can be a place of learning and peace. Her love and support of my dad taught me how to give in marriage, how to support my husband and spoil him too. My mother's prayers taught me I have a Father in Heaven who cares, who knows me, loves me and is active in my life. My mother and my father have shaped me into who I am, someone who knows that hard work and faith can change lives, hearts and our own corner of the world.

I am so grateful to be known by the creator of the universe, to have a family who knows Him, who loves Him and who has taught me to do the same. For it is love that heals, it is love that strengthens and it is love that brings hope for a brighter future.

The Parable of the Cell Phone

So confession time...every Saturday I work at the Logan temple and every week I walk past a sign that tells me to turn off my cell phone and every week my phone stays very much on and very much on silent. Yesterday I walked past that sign and finally felt a twinge of guilt that I hadn't actually turned my phone off, but I justified that I at least had it on silent, but then I couldn't remember whether my new phone that I hadn't quite figured out yet was on silent. In the act of pulling it out to check if it was indeed on silent it fell to the floor. My new smart of phone of one week fell to the floor, the back came off and the battery sprang out. I was terrified that the screen would be damaged and I'd be shopping for a new one. Yet when I picked the phone up the screen didn't have a scratch and the phone having lost its battery was effectively turned off.

Standing there looking at the phone I realized something that I thought was rather profound. I had already thought I should be obedient, but dragged my feet, so Heavenly Father helped me along to follow what I knew I should have done in the first place and he did it without any damage to my cell phone. I think that many times in our lives Heavenly Father provides us ways to follow His words and do what we feel we should even when we are hesitant and He does it in such a way to keep us from harm or permanent damage because He loves us. Yet if we let those moments continually pass us and ignore the mercy he extends us sometimes harm comes our way. Still the Atonement can and will make us new as we go back to Him and seek the help He always offers to us. So let us take Him at His first offer and allow Him to work in our lives for good and help us avoid the other possibilities.

But if we sometimes miss those gentle promptings and tender mercies and go blundering ahead trying our own way, I know Heavenly Father will still accept us back. I know He will still receive us and our efforts with open arms. It is never too late to return to the love and grace of our Savior. We are never so far gone or have too many haunting memories to return to Him and find peace. We are loved, we are known and we are forgiven, always and completely forgiven.

Living in this Moment

 I've been sitting here pondering what to say for the last hour and I'm still drawing a blank. This last week has gone by so quickly and I'm still in shock that it is Sunday night again...where did this semester go? Oh yeah, it just happened. As my undergraduate education comes to a close I keep having to remind yourself that I still have two weeks to go. Well one week of class and three papers, but who is counting. Because the whole point of these last few weeks is living in the moment. Last week I focused on trusting in what comes, this week I'm trying to figure out how to live the life you have in the moment and not simply wait for what comes next. Sometimes we are so afraid of falling short or missing what is supposed to be coming that we don't even try in the moment. We forget that the first part of every journey is taking a step, it is simply trying.

When I was in young womens' I remember hearing an analogy that seems rather appropriate in this moment, God can't direct a parked car. Allowing ourselves to be halted by fears, inadequacies, doubts and frustration gets us mired in a pit we can't escape from. In those moments we need to simply put aside what we hope or fear in the future and instead focus on the task at hand, whether that is simply getting out of bed, putting dishes in the dishwasher (if we are so luck to have a dishwasher) starting a paper or setting up an appointment. I think sometimes we think those things have no worth because they are everyday things. But it is exactly those everyday things that keep us sane and can show us we have worth and that we are engaged in a good work.

So if you like me feel yourself on the edge of a precipice of life decision just remember there is still life to live today and the best work we can do in this life is make today good for ourselves and the people we come in contact with each day.

Knowledge in our Suitcase

Through the years of my blogging efforts I have broached the topic of forking paths many times and I'm sure some would think that surely I've plumbed the depths of this topic and have learned at this point to simply follow promptings no matter the questions and be excited for the adventure a head. Let's face it do any of us do that consistently? Okay maybe you do, but just when I think I've got this cycle figured out, something new comes.

A month or two ago I was encouraged by my professors to apply to grad school. Now for about a year or two I've been thinking a masters program was sort of necessary for my education to take me where I want to go. Yet whenever I thought about taking the GRE so I could actually apply it never felt right. Part of it might have been thinking about taking the GRE at the same time as planning a wedding and it would make sense that planning a wedding won. However as the months passed and I was married and graduation came closer the GRE never felt right, so I didn't do it. I focused on trying to build a strong foundation in my marriage and putting as much effort into school as I could late at night and weekends. Now those late nights are potentially coming to an end and the initial date to apply for grad school is long gone. With the world changing so fast I have no idea where I'll be in a year, let alone a month or two and now as the date feels long past to decide I feel the idea of grad school growing in my mind. Now that I have told everyone in the history department that I'm taking a year off and pondering my life I am seriously considering marching back to the office and finding what I need to apply and seeing if it is even still an option.

Many times in our lives we feel secure in our path we think that our life is laid out before us and we tell the world our plans, so excited for what is to come. Then as we proceed on that path, it doesn't fit, it doesn't feel right and we realize we need to reconsider our options. Then we face this awkward transition thing where everyone in your life starts asking you, why are you doing that? What's wrong with what you were doing before? How do you explain that you aren't scatter brained, but simply trying to follow the spirit? At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what the people around you think, it matters that you are right with the Lord. We need His help in this life if we are to reach our potential. He knows what is before us and He knows what we need to face what is coming. Some opportunities come to us that we think we can't do or service moments that feel so far outside our time and abilities that we want to say no, but in counseling with the Lord (that means going to him in prayer and accepting what He says with an "of course") He will teach you what you need to become the person you have covenanted to be which you can't be if you say no. I hope I will always remember the words of our sealer who said that if we would always accept the callings the Lord extended to us that we would learn all we need in this life, knowledge we could not gain any other way.

Sometimes the Lord puts forks in our paths because He knows there is still knowledge we need in our suitcase to travel all the places we will be called to go.