Treading Water

Have you ever felt tired of treading water? Tired of fighting a battle you never feel like you can win? This week I feel like I've reached that point. Not because I want to quit the fight, I know I'm in the right place, doing the right thing, but I feel like I've been doing it so long and I just don't see an end in sight. I fear I shall fail from sheer exhaustion. If one more person at a reception asks me if I'm "taking notes on what I want" or tells me I should get married because I'm sinning against my parents in not marrying and giving them grandchildren I am going to scream. Do people not realize my wedding is planned, the cake, the bouquet, the flowers and food, but none of this matters if the Lord says we should wait? My life is dedicated to His time table, not mine. I have fought for two years to do things my way, this has only brought shattered expectations and tearful nights. People understand that we each have an individual path and though we may want things to be a certain way, Heavenly Father knows the way things need to be.

Good timber does not grow with ease,

The stronger wind, the stronger trees.

The further sky, the greater length.

The more the storm, the more the strength.

By sun and cold, by rain and snow,

In trees and men good timbers grow.

Each set of burdens are unique to each individual, for some it is a wandering child, for others a divorce or health problems or overwhelming, crippling anxiety and depression. This life is not meant to be free of trial (although sometimes I wish it wasn't so). As President Monson said:

"When the pathway of life takes a cruel turn, there is the temptation to ask the question “Why me?” At times there appears to be no light at the end of the tunnel, no sunrise to end the night’s darkness. We feel encompassed by the disappointment of shattered dreams and the despair of vanished hopes. We join in uttering the biblical plea, “Is there no balm in Gilead?”¹ We feel abandoned, heartbroken, alone. We are inclined to view our own personal misfortunes through the distorted prism of pessimism. We become impatient for a solution to our problems, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required.

The difficulties which come to us present us with the real test of our ability to endure. A fundamental question remains to be answered by each of us: Shall I falter, or shall I finish? Some do falter as they find themselves unable to rise above their challenges. To finish involves enduring to the very end of life itself."

My purpose today is not to tell us why we have adversity, as comforting as it is to know that we have adversity to grow, sometimes that isn't enough. What I say tonight is that we are not alone. For a long time I've pondered how the Atonement helps me, last night I learned the Atonement allows me to call my Heavenly Father Abba, daddy, to know I am not alone, that I am cared for and that some how the sun will rise.
 

If you are at that point where you just can't do it anymore, know you don't have to. Your Savior Jesus Christ already went there, he's treaded water for you, seek peace in him, for he is ever faithful.