Committed to Him

I feel like after two years I've probably covered all the ground there is to cover and I'm quite sure that my life is in a holding pattern, well a repeat pattern, especially the last few months. Sometimes we face things in life that seem to come up, burst forth, you learn whatever it is what you were supposed to learn and then they recede and you look back at them in memory only. Other moments come up, you learn from them and you keep learning from them. All things are for our experience and some experiences just keep coming back. And I feel like I am in one of those moments.

I used to think that if I did what was right life would be easy, then on my mission I learned that if we were only ever blessed and given good things in our life we would never learn commitment. A relationship only based on reciprocation only lasts as long as the reciprocation lasts. A relationship based on trust and commitment lasts whether we see the results immediately or not. In Relief Society we talked about being valiant in our testimony of Jesus Christ and in my mind's eye I saw myself biking over to my grandma's house every Saturday evening for months so I could watch Dr Who, because I loved the show I was committing to make the trip, no matter what else was happening that night. Am I that committed to Christ? When I ask that question I don't mean will I read my scriptures or say my prayers and go to church, no I'm asking will I do whatever I am directed to do. Sometimes I go through spurts where I tell the Lord I will take on the world, I'll do whatever He asks I want so much to learn and grow and become more than I am. I seek knowledge from good books, I seek to be taught by the Spirit, and then the Spirit speaks and the adversary does as well. I learned about writing the small plates of Alison, meaning I write down every time the Spirit speaks, then the adversarial counter and write down what happened after choosing which voice to listen to...then within minutes the adversary countered and I still haven't started that notebook of experiences...

Or after seeking for months about how to improve my scripture study I finally find a system laid out that will greatly improve my learning and dedication and I immediately wonder is it worth it...Answer, of course it is, but it is always so easy to find something else to do instead. As John Pontius said "Don't be discouraged or think it will take too long or be too hard. You're going to do something with your time in the next week, month or year. The difference is what you intend to have gained in that time. Doing nothing will yield nothing. Entertaining yourself will yield entertainment..."Subjectively" studying the scriptures will yield revelatory insight, blessings of truth and light, and a staggering understanding of the Lord's plan for you personally..." The blessings of eternity are available to us everyday, but do we want them enough to go the distance? Am I willing to go to bed an hour earlier so I can get up in the quiet of the morning and put in the time to do the learning? I guess a part of tonight is for accountability for me. You can receive inspiration daily (and I dare say we all do) but if you don't live what you receive it profiteth us nothing.

The adversary knows who we are and he knows what we can accomplish, so he will do whatever he can to distract us away from our privilege and our power. We might sometimes think we can wait until life calms down or we already have so much on our plate surely we don't need to add something else, but I'm working to remember that if my Savior suggested it then it is necessary for a reason. I want to be committed to Him, I want to live a life that if He suggests it I do it, no question and no eye rolling, just doing. Elder Rasband in last conference talked about becoming a spiritual first responder, as we follow the Spirit the Spirit uses us to help others. I want to be someone the Lord can rely on. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, I don't know what will be required on the journey, but I want to learn that whatever comes He is in it with me, so I want to be in it with Him.