Living in this Moment

 I've been sitting here pondering what to say for the last hour and I'm still drawing a blank. This last week has gone by so quickly and I'm still in shock that it is Sunday night again...where did this semester go? Oh yeah, it just happened. As my undergraduate education comes to a close I keep having to remind yourself that I still have two weeks to go. Well one week of class and three papers, but who is counting. Because the whole point of these last few weeks is living in the moment. Last week I focused on trusting in what comes, this week I'm trying to figure out how to live the life you have in the moment and not simply wait for what comes next. Sometimes we are so afraid of falling short or missing what is supposed to be coming that we don't even try in the moment. We forget that the first part of every journey is taking a step, it is simply trying.

When I was in young womens' I remember hearing an analogy that seems rather appropriate in this moment, God can't direct a parked car. Allowing ourselves to be halted by fears, inadequacies, doubts and frustration gets us mired in a pit we can't escape from. In those moments we need to simply put aside what we hope or fear in the future and instead focus on the task at hand, whether that is simply getting out of bed, putting dishes in the dishwasher (if we are so luck to have a dishwasher) starting a paper or setting up an appointment. I think sometimes we think those things have no worth because they are everyday things. But it is exactly those everyday things that keep us sane and can show us we have worth and that we are engaged in a good work.

So if you like me feel yourself on the edge of a precipice of life decision just remember there is still life to live today and the best work we can do in this life is make today good for ourselves and the people we come in contact with each day.

Knowledge in our Suitcase

Through the years of my blogging efforts I have broached the topic of forking paths many times and I'm sure some would think that surely I've plumbed the depths of this topic and have learned at this point to simply follow promptings no matter the questions and be excited for the adventure a head. Let's face it do any of us do that consistently? Okay maybe you do, but just when I think I've got this cycle figured out, something new comes.

A month or two ago I was encouraged by my professors to apply to grad school. Now for about a year or two I've been thinking a masters program was sort of necessary for my education to take me where I want to go. Yet whenever I thought about taking the GRE so I could actually apply it never felt right. Part of it might have been thinking about taking the GRE at the same time as planning a wedding and it would make sense that planning a wedding won. However as the months passed and I was married and graduation came closer the GRE never felt right, so I didn't do it. I focused on trying to build a strong foundation in my marriage and putting as much effort into school as I could late at night and weekends. Now those late nights are potentially coming to an end and the initial date to apply for grad school is long gone. With the world changing so fast I have no idea where I'll be in a year, let alone a month or two and now as the date feels long past to decide I feel the idea of grad school growing in my mind. Now that I have told everyone in the history department that I'm taking a year off and pondering my life I am seriously considering marching back to the office and finding what I need to apply and seeing if it is even still an option.

Many times in our lives we feel secure in our path we think that our life is laid out before us and we tell the world our plans, so excited for what is to come. Then as we proceed on that path, it doesn't fit, it doesn't feel right and we realize we need to reconsider our options. Then we face this awkward transition thing where everyone in your life starts asking you, why are you doing that? What's wrong with what you were doing before? How do you explain that you aren't scatter brained, but simply trying to follow the spirit? At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what the people around you think, it matters that you are right with the Lord. We need His help in this life if we are to reach our potential. He knows what is before us and He knows what we need to face what is coming. Some opportunities come to us that we think we can't do or service moments that feel so far outside our time and abilities that we want to say no, but in counseling with the Lord (that means going to him in prayer and accepting what He says with an "of course") He will teach you what you need to become the person you have covenanted to be which you can't be if you say no. I hope I will always remember the words of our sealer who said that if we would always accept the callings the Lord extended to us that we would learn all we need in this life, knowledge we could not gain any other way.

Sometimes the Lord puts forks in our paths because He knows there is still knowledge we need in our suitcase to travel all the places we will be called to go.

to morrow the Lord will do wonders among you

I'm feeling a bit split minded tonight, a bit torn in two if you will, too much Lord of the Rings perhaps.

Anyhow, first I want to give a shout out to my siblings, this morning when I saw that it was national siblings day I thought that that was just a bit too gimicky, but as anyone who has seen my facebook profile will know I've already posted two sibling pics, so apparently my heart softened just a bit. That softening came as I thought about my siblings, they really are the people closest to me. We never fought as kids, but we each seemed to be going all sorts of different directions, though we still had some really good late night talks. But it seems like it has been just since getting back from my mission that we've gotten much closer. We're usually texting or messaging each other multiple times a week, which is saying something when we're spread from Cache Valley to St. George.

I so enjoy the times when we can all get together and make our house ring with jokes, laughter and usually singing, though my oldest sister would deny she ever does. Even when we can't get together I know they've got my back, I know that I can share with them what's going on in my life in any aspect and they listen and we talk, I am so glad I have them in my corner and I'm so glad we have each other. Heavenly Father really knew what He was doing when He put us all together.


In a world full of negative energy, with nasty messages about our capabilities, weight, vulnerabilities, not feeling up to facing the world can be a very daunting thing. Knowing that you are loved and cared for, but not feeling it is enough to make you want to run away or hide in a deep dark closet. Feeling useless or sub par in a world of brilliance and power makes you want to give up. Not even knowing how to pray for help because the words don't seem to come and the only direction from heaven you get is to sing a song you don't have the music for makes you think you're crazy and just a bit off kilter. Life has so many negatives to give and sometimes you know heaven is present, but it feels so muffled and out of focus, sometimes all you can do is hold to the words of Elder Holland

Satan would have you miserable because he is miserable, he would have you give up because then you are his.
"But it is inevitable that after heavenly moments in our lives, we, of necessity, return to earth, so to speak, where sometimes less-than-ideal circumstances again face us.

The author of Hebrews warned us of this when he wrote, “Call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions.”¹ That post-illumination affliction can come in many ways, and it can come to all of us. Surely every missionary who has ever served soon realized that life in the field wasn’t going to be quite like the rarefied atmosphere of the missionary training center. So too for all of us upon leaving a sweet session in the temple or concluding a particularly spiritual sacrament meeting.  Only the adversary, the enemy of us all, would try to convince us that the ideals outlined in general conference are depressing and unrealistic, that people don’t really improve, that no one really progresses. And why does Lucifer give that speech? Because he knows he can’t improve, he can’t progress, that worlds without end he will never have a bright tomorrow. He is a miserable man bound by eternal limitations, and he wants you to be miserable too. Well, don’t fall for that. With the gift of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the strength of heaven to help us, we can improve, and the great thing about the gospel is we get credit for trying, even if we don’t always succeed.

“Verily I say unto you, [the gifts of God] are given for the benefit of those who love me and keep … my commandments, and [for them] that seeketh so to do.”

But the first great truth of all eternity is that God loves us with all of His heart, might, mind, and strength. That love is the foundation stone of eternity, and it should be the foundation stone of our daily life. Indeed it is only with that reassurance burning in our soul that we can have the confidence to keep trying to improve, keep seeking forgiveness for our sins, and keep extending that grace to our neighbor.

 if we do the best we can to live the gospel, then tomorrow—and every other day—is ultimately going to be magnificent, even if we don’t always recognize it as such. Why? Because our Heavenly Father wants it to be! He wants to bless us. A rewarding, abundant, and eternal life is the very object of His merciful plan for His children! It is a plan predicated on the truth “that all things work together for good to them that love God.

 His divine love and unfailing help will be with us even when we struggle—no, will be with us especially when we struggle.

 to morrow the Lord will do wonders among you

 

Couldn't we all use just a bit more light?

I saw a lot of talk today about "controversial" commercials in between conference sessions. When I say controversial I mean commercials about Saturday's Warriors, food dryers and a safety dome tent. Now in my mind the only controversy in those commercials came from the Saturday's Warriors movie that is coming out...although I admit that I am a bit curious and might watch it,  but I digress. The Church pays for their time on tv they carefully select everything that comes on from the beginning of conference, in between sessions and work to keep the spirit with those watching from the beginning to the end. It is no accident what we saw.

All over facebook today I have seen people saying they support the Apostles of the Lord, they sustain the prophet. I want you to think for a minute about three years before 2008 when the housing market crashed, for conferences before and leading up to 2005 many of the talks focused on becoming self-reliant, getting out of debt, paying off your house and getting savings in order. Those talks of preparation stopped right before 2008 when the economy went crazy. Many people were blessed for following the counsel of those talks. I remember through my growing up years hearing talks about getting our food storage, getting out of debt, getting our 72 hour kits and having cash on hand. Those talks have stopped now. Now, as in today and yesterday we are hearing talks about loving our neighbor, reaching out to those in need, succoring the stranger, going to the temple, strengthening homes and families, making our marriages strong and knowing we are loved.

Imagine for just a moment that the prophecies of centuries actually come true. Elder Hales said that the day of the coming of our Savior is drawing nigh. For centuries prophets have foretold of the earthquakes in diverse places (which speaker said that this weekend?) of wars and rumors of wars (where do refugees come from, war zones...) of the hearts of men growing weak (riots in the streets) of anti-christs and seeking things contrary to the will of God. This is the world we live in. For years I knew that this generation was closer to seeing the coming of Jesus Christ than any other, yet I never thought about what that meant...it means not good things will happen before we will be ready to see our Saviour again. Since 1910 and very likely before the leaders of the church have counseled us to have two years food storage and a horse for when motors break down. I don't know about the horse, but I know that families who had that food storage made it through two world wars and a depression better than they could have otherwise. Whatever is coming in our future the preparations our prophets and apostles have set us will be necessary. There will come a day when we will be so grateful for being obedient, heeding the call and preparing, for as President Uchtdorf said "it is by obedience that we gather light into our souls" in a world of gathering darkness couldn't we all use just a little bit more light?

There may come a day when we need all the miracles and light we can get. That day may be tomorrow it may be in a week, a month or a year, but it will come and you'll be grateful you were ready then.

We Always Have the Day After

Have you ever felt that desire to run away? You feel overwhelmed with bills, work, relationships, schoolwork, paying for gas, paying for groceries and finding balance. You bury yourself in music, a book, tv shows, a movie, you do all of these things trying to hide from or crowd out the guilt you feel of doing things wrong. You just want to run away, take a vacation, get away from the situation and hope that it will all go away. You think that if you can just hide long enough or get away for long enough then it won't hurt so much, that actions or non actions that hurt will simply disappear. When in reality no amount of running or hiding or burying will make it go away. You tell yourself that facing it head on, will only make it worse, that you will only be pouring salt into an open wound. Hiding is better than being rejected. Throwing up walls or distracting yourself is better than facing the emptiness inside. But that is a lie, leaving things unresolved, only leaves things unresolved. No amount of running, no amount of hiding, no amount of distractions can fill that emptiness and I would say we need to be running away from the distractions, we need to be shunning the music, the book, the tv show that is helping us avoid, because it is those things that only weigh us down more. Instead, no matter what aspect of life is feeling empty or overwhelming we need to be taking it to the Lord. The media we are going to for distraction will only taking deeper down a path that is harder to get back from. Burying ourselves in things that dull our senses just means the hurt will be greater when the pain comes back. The media we go to can be just as icky as what we are avoiding, but because it is in the name of avoidance we don't care. At all stages of our lives we should be looking at the best within us, and the best outside ourselves, only our Savior Jesus Christ can heal the hurt. There will still be ouches and their will still be moments of heartache, but as we face them we will find that more and more often that heartache will be in the past. And that we have a brighter perspective because we faced the darkness.

People who are optimistic aren't cheerful because they've only known darkness, they are hopeful because they have seen the darkness and choose the light instead.

That darkness might come into our lives because of our own choices, a moment of selfishness when we really should have kept our mouth closed or a moment without thought on your part or on someone else's, what ever the case the only way forward is to face it, to do the best to make recompense and try again. Each week, each day is a new beginning. We are not forced to live in misery or to always be stuck being less than we are. Each day we have the choice to try again tomorrow and if tomorrow doesn't work the way we planned, we always have the day after.

Because He Lives

Throughout the day I have seen many posts celebrating the day and rightly so, this is a powerful day to be reminded of the sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ and the love of our Heavenly Father who would give a perfect son for all of his very imperfect children. No matter our history and no matter our future we all fall short of the glory of God. Yet because of Jesus Christ we have his glory to make up the difference in our lives. Because of his sacrifice we can enter the doors of the temple and make covenants and receive blessings which will help us along the path of returning to our Father. Because of Him we become sons and daughters in the sense that we can truly become like our Father. Because of Christ we have hope and there will be a brighter tomorrow.

The Future is Bright, as Bright as Our Faith

The future is as bright as your faith. I've never realized before just how important those words are to live by. If faith and fear cannot coincide together and we feel fear our future is rather bleak, yet if we choose faith then our future can be bright. The adversary, Satan, wants us to feel fear and despair because the more we feel fear the darker our perspective and the less able we are to feel the mercy and love of our Savior Jesus Christ.

Today at the temple dedication I felt so much love, I needed the messages of renewal and do-overs we received. I needed the reminder that temples heal broken hearts and show us the love our Heavenly Father has for us. We can be endowed with power and receive all we need to pass the angels in order to return to the presence of our Heavenly Father. Heavenly Father means for us to return to Him, He wants it so badly and His forgiveness is infinite.

This week I have chastised myself so many times, I feel like I am not living up to my potential as a wife and as a latter-day saint. So many nights dishes go undone or meals come off half done because I need to do homework. So many nights I feel like I am falling short on getting school work done, being a supportive scout leader, feeling unable to see the positive before me and instead feeling as if I'm always falling short in prayer, scripture study and service. I often find myself wondering if I will find myself on the right hand of God.

The world is changing, it is a theme I have brought up often in the last weeks because it spends so much time on my mind. I feel a bit like Galadriel, the world is changing, the water and earth tell me the world is changing. I don't know how to explain it, but I know that things will not long continue on as they are. I also know that Satan is increasing his attacks upon the children of God, that is all of us. He wants to cripple us with fear and make us think that we will never accomplish anything, that we will always fall short of the glory of God and that we will never measure up. In days such as these we need  to remember that when we feel stunted and weighted down this is not the spirit and it is not from the Lord. Our Savior seeks to always buoy us up, to remind us of our power and to help us become what we can be. He suffered in a garden for us so that he could understand what makes us ache, to understand our fears and to feel what we feel when we feel so far from God. He felt everyone of those things so that we would not feel them alone, so that He would know how to succor us. The message of this Easter season is that we are not alone, that the future can be bright and beautiful, no matter what may happen in the world, no matter how far we feel we are falling short we can rise again and that ultimately we aren't near as far gone as we think we are. We have a power within us to do great things, all we need to do is to find our purpose and keep moving forward, keep trying and keep that fire of courage burning that each new day we have a voice saying I'll try again today and every night we'll say "I'll try again tomorrow."