A New You

Wow, where did 2017 just go? I know I've talked many a time about time going faster, but this just feels a bit ridiculous.

In the stage of life I'm currently at it sometimes feels like accomplishments are marked only through degrees, pregnancy, job promotions, getting a house, getting a dog or moving across the country, as someone who feels that they haven't accomplished any of those things (it is true I did reach staff status at the library on campus, which has been an amazing blessing, just easily overlooked because I've worked there so long...I guess that is why I write this blog, to take a step back and remember) the year that I held out such great hope for as being amazing and decisive, though good, hasn't felt all that ground-breaking or life-altering. In my world that seems full of everyone around announcing a pregnancy, a birth, a new job or starting a masters program I have found myself the last few days feeling rather stagnant.

I have been setting goals, trying to learn new things and implement positive changes in my life, yet they have been small things, trying to figure out how to go to bed on time instead of falling asleep on the couch, trying to dedicate more time to scripture study to increase my knowledge and invite the Spirit, learning to think before I speak so that I don't unintentionally wound or hurt those I love and those around me, learning to think about what could be possible instead of just focusing on what is at the current time and learning that I am softening around the edges. All of these things are good and important, they help me be a more well-rounded person and help me refine my character to be more of who I want to be as the years pass by. Yet for the most part they aren't necessarily things you bring up in everyday conversation, they aren't things you parade around or overly advertise because they are internal battles and struggles that are just that internal and private. It is hard to see the progress in the day to day, when it feels like every time you open your mouth something unintended still comes out or you fall asleep on the couch for the sixth night in a row (even if you do wake up before 1 am for the first time in those six days) or you sleep through that half hour of scripture study again. Often the adversary has us focus on the things we messed up or missed again because he doesn't want us to see that though the changes are incremental and hard to see at any given time that a change has occurred and that our hearts are in process of softening and re-forming to be a kinder version of ourselves.

I hope that in this new year we don't only take the time to see what we aren't accomplishing or lamenting over the things that didn't happen, but that also see the incremental changes that mean so much, that bring a new spirit into our lives and greater opportunities for growth and improvement. Whether the changes that come into your life are great or small they all matter and they all are life changing and amazing. Let Christ be your guide and whether great or small you will find a new you and that is a wondrous gift. I am constantly amazed at Heavenly Father's grace in my life. So often I do fall short of what I hope to be and so often I can preach a good sermon and still fall short in the application, yet everytime I take a step back and realize I am not who I want to be and I have once more lived below my potential and privilege, there is my Father and my Savior waiting with me as I try to try again and to embrace where I am as well as where I can one day be.