The Mountain

  

  I received an interesting epiphany at institute this week. We were discussing sanctification and how having the Spirit in our lives means we are in the presence of a member of the Godhead and we are no longer spiritually dead. As we talked I pondered about the Children of Israel in the book of Exodus, they were invited into the presence of God, but because earlier in the week they were warned not to cross the line of the mountain without an invitation or they would be killed, they didn't climb the mountain. Even when given an invitation they feared God's wrath, more than trusting his love. Thus entered the Law of Moses, commandments meant to help a people live in obedience to prepare to live a higher law.
   Which times in our lives has God invited us to the mountain, yet we feared to tread for we felt he asked too much of us? We know He has so many blessings in store, yet we fear the cost to us will be too great. We will have to give up the natural man and habits we have fallen into and come to enjoy. We will have to give up our timing and our purposes.
    Human nature would tell us it isn't worth it, what ever God has in store for us will require sacrificing what we want and our timing, that isn't worth it, we deserve to get what we want right now. Or harder still we are doing exactly what the Spirit says we should do and still the blessings don't come. Heavenly Father invites us to climb the mountain, not to avoid trial or temptation, but to face it and come to know him better.
    

Sometimes we hope for the mountain summit and instead feel stuck at the bottom of a steep incline. We come to know our Father in Heaven in the moments we feel trapped, not necessarily when we easily find each hand hold. I hope as we climb that when moments of frustration or pain come we can look to Jesus Christ as our climbing partner knowing He always has us on belay, we are not forsaken nor forgotten. Don't let the picture in your head of what you think life should be, keep you from seeing what God intends your life to be. He is inviting each one of us to climb the mountain. Do we trust His love or his wrath?

Sometimes our Efforts aren't Enough

As a person who generally loves school I've never realized just how draining it can be. I know that 15 credits plus being a teaching assistant is very do-able, but with two weeks left in the semester I am so drained. I end up kicking myself often, mad that I'm not giving more attention to my math and chemistry as I should.  I wonder sometimes if my late night, frustrated efforts are enough, especially when I spend more time after work watching MASH than watching review lectures. Yet even with my exhausted poor decision making skills I am constantly surprised by the peace Heavenly Father sends to me. He has this amazing way of not only giving me a wider perspective, but also encouraging me to keep trying, even if I feel frustrated and hopeless (at least where chemistry is concerned).

Sometimes when we pray we feel like Heavenly Father is disconnectedly listening to us, we are simply whiny beings who are headstrong. I like to think he understands that our frustrations or tears are necessary growing pains and learning experiences on the way. My favorite part of the video below is when the husband prays for Heavenly Father to do it the husband's way, then at the end the man simply prays that Heavenly Father will help him whichever way is best. Don't think that your concerns are below Heavenly Father's notice, but also realize that His reaction might be different that what you want. He always has a way to deliver us, but we need to do our best to bare the burdens in our lives, for they are as Elder Bednar says "the very things to get us home again".

The world we live in brings burdens of all shapes and sizes, what a blessing it is that we can serve others and bear our burdens together.

Jesus Sought me Once a Stranger...

 
  I wish I knew what to write this week. After a week of late exhausting homework nights and emotional ouches, some that are my own fault and some I just share in because I am part of the human race I am empty. I admit to feeling a bit ill-used and a bit abandoned. I've tried so hard not to become angry or let hopelessness at my foibles overwhelm me. I have a specific idea in mind about how I would like my life to go and you know what, it just isn't unfolding that way.
    When I left on my mission my setting apart promised me that if I were faithful I would receive my hearts desire, at first that heart's desire was to have my young man waiting at home for me, then the longer I served and fell in love with the Vietnamese it was to stay and serve them with all my heart, then just as I reached this conclusion I got sick and had to face coming home. In a blessing just before coming home I was told that this was the perfect plan, that going home didn't mean the end of my service, just another turn in the path.
    A few months ago I discovered I no longer knew where my social security card resided. I knew that I had put it in a place very safe and secure, I just couldn't remember where that was. Having lost things in the past I knew that I needed to pray, leave it in God's hands and move forward. Today I woke up to a missing church notes notebook and my checkbook...it's been a rough couple of months for my memory (I totally blame it on trying to cram chemistry into my head). Feeling distraught I took it to the Lord then went to church.
     This week as previously stated has been such a hard week, a friend and my fiance were struggling and I had no idea how to help them.  In trying to help them I have felt lonely, confused and abandoned, and I still haven't quite figured out how to feel differently.
     Now you may be wondering what these three stories have in common...They each tell of something not quite going my way or not quite turning out the way I wanted. Yet Heavenly Father takes these moments to teach us. Today after church I came home determined to find what I had lost. With a prayer in my heart I set out. Within moments I found the check book, remembered where I left my notebook and even found my card forgotten months before. These were not coincidence, I had looked and pondered, but today they were found. As I knelt down thanking my Father for revealing my lost items to me I realized that the desires of my heart are still in store. They certainly have taken their own sweet time, but that's just because the time isn't right for it. Just as I found that card which I have spent months praying for Heavenly Father desires to grant me my needs and wants and sometimes those things don't coincide simultaneously.

  Do we truly believe our Father is omnipotent? Do we believe he loves us and desires to grant us the desires of our hearts? Don't let the doubts and disappointments take away from you a faith in a loving Heavenly Father, He is a God of found social security cards and lonely nights. Each of us will have pain in our hearts whether from our actions or the circumstances of life, trust him to succour you.

Because of Him

All week I've been pondering on the true meaning of this day. As a speaker today said "this is the most significant day in all of history". Truly Easter marks the salvation of mankind. Because of Jesus Christ we might all live again, but not just live, but live eternally with our Father in Heaven.

Salvation is not purchased by obedience, it is only purchased through the Blood of the Son of God (Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf), truly that blood was spilled for each one of us. I am so grateful for the gift of the knowledge of the true purpose of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. Many through the ages have interpreted, created and supported their version of the Atonement: whether fallen for eternity, puppets on a string to God's will with no thought or free will or perhaps predestined to heaven or hell.

Instead the Atonement saves us from every fall, every failing, every disappointment, every mistake and every heartache. Because He lives he can save us from our pain and disappointment, because of His Atonement we are not alone in this journey called life. Though disappointment may come draw near to His love, stay near the tree and hold on to the knowledge you have. Because He lives I can face tomorrow, because He lives I am not bound in fear for the future, I am saved by His saving grace and allowed to work with Him to be perfected, drawn from my fallen, sinful state to a state of perfection once more to live with my Father in Heaven. We are known, we are numbered, His drops of blood were shed for us and with his stripes we are healed.

I am so grateful for this Easter season, to be taught of the true power of the Garden of Gethsemane, He is risen from the Grave.

I hope that this hymn will mean as much to you, as it did singing this with my family this morning.

Healing the Hidden Hurt

Have you ever heard the phrase "you may not get what you want, but you get what you need? I've heard it many times, but never really saw it's application in my life, until this last week. Birthdays are kind of a big deal for me, I look forward to them all year long, but this year I didn't get the birthday surprise I was hoping for and it hurt. All morning I moped, feeling bad that that one thing I wanted so much in my life hadn't come. Sometimes traffic lights don't turn green and sometimes the rain doesn't fall. What we do in those moments defines the character of our lives.

    I was very blessed to have a mother who filled that gap, she saw I wasn't feeling very cheery, she took me to lunch, spoiled me with presents then stayed up extra late so she could watch me unwrap them when I got home. She wanted me to know just how loved and how special she thought I am.
    Heavenly Father sent others into my life that day to assure me that I am known. I know it is silly, but I really love butter cream frosting and so I prayed earlier this week that maybe, just maybe He could send some my way. I was so pleased and felt so special when a friend of mine walked in the door of work with a dozen cup cakes just the way I like them. Because she listened to the Spirit and wanted to show her love for me, she brightened my day and assured me that though Heavenly Father knows it is not yet time for the blessing I seek the most, He does know me and wants to show His love. So many times that day people showed that they cared about me. Let us always see the blessings even if they aren't the ones we thought we needed.
   I know that sometimes even with the blessings we know surround us our heart aches, we hurt and don't know how to fix it. If we will go to our Father and simply ask "please help it hurts and I don't know what to do" He offers a peace the world cannot mimic nor destroy, hold to our God and our Savior for they truly save us everyday of our lives. I am so grateful for their love and direction, I can't imagine my life without it.

We can't do this alone

This week I have been bombarded by this mindset that the standards of the church don't mean anything, that we as human beings are entitled to anything we want and that if we want something we can go to any means necessary to achieve it. To this I respond with the words of Pres. Henry B. Eyring from his talk Continuing Revelation:

   "We all know that human judgment and logical thinking will not be enough to get answers to the questions that matter most in life. We need revelation from God. And we will need not just one revelation in a time of stress, but we need a constantly renewed stream. We need not just one flash of light and comfort, but we need the continuing blessing of communication with God."

We face many struggles in this life whether it be where to go for school, what to do after I graduate, whom to marry, what job to search for, which to take and how to proceed to a happy, healthy life. We can't discover these things on our own, we need the Creator of the Universe to guide and direct us, He who sees the whole path and He who knows what we need to be happy.

If you find yourselves questioning whether all the guidelines, commandments and rules are worth it, the answer is yes. Those guidelines, commandments and rules are worth it, they are the protection, guidance and help we need to find a happiness to last for eternity. Through obedience we invite this constant stream of direction we need, a constant peace that the world can't replicate.

Many people ask me how I've stayed with my fiancé so long or why I chose to do what I do. My answer to them is that I don't see the path before my feet, but God does and though some of the bumps are painful in the moment, they bring eternal blessings, whether a back surgery that introduced me to a professor who is greatly helping me in my education or a love that grows deeper everyday. We don't see the end from the beginning and the fads and shortcuts of the world cannot bring happiness. No amount of societal norms, or cultured thinking will bring us greater happiness than trusting a loving Father and his prophets when they encourage us to love one another, gather food storage, have only one set of earrings and our body is a temple, do not degrade it with tattoos or earrings. Love your body for it is a gift from a loving Father who wants to see you again one day. 

Through my Father's eyes

Have you ever looked at someone else and just thought that they were amazing? Did you start thinking about how much you wanted to be just like them? You felt like you just couldn't measure up or that you got the short end of the talents and abilities stick. I feel that way quite often, I wish I could be a better writer like this friend or better at languages like that friend or that I could be better in-tune with the Spirit or understand my gifts and abilities better.

Do we ever just feel stuck? Unsure how to proceed, but uncomfortable to stay? I feel so unsure at this stage in my life. I'm afraid that I'm not doing enough to be where I should be, but have no idea where else I should be. Do you ever just wish things could be different? Oh how many times I have thought that, if only...insert thought here. Yet I know we are each of us who we are for a reason, we are who we are and where we are for a reason.
   It is so painful and hard to feel that we are missing something, that things don't seem fair or quite add up. How do I have a bright future when right now seems to take my breath away with longing? How do I become the person I am supposed to be when I feel talentless compared to the many gifts of others? Who am I even supposed to be anyway?
   I'm sure we've all felt these things at one time or another, these thoughts can become toxic and paralyse us, which is Satan's plan. If we feel worthless or cheated we miss out on the purpose of this life and on God's life for us. This quote has changed so much of my perspective on how I want to use my life.

"Mortal life isn't fair, but it's real. When we understand things as they really are, though real in the sense of divine destiny and eternal expectations, we can weather the unfairness. Because pain is part of the process of perfection, we can expect that we will experience pain of various kinds in this life...we can still be happy, cheerful, pleasant, and joyful right now despite the pains. Our hope for a brighter day should never cloud the view of this day. We live in a beautiful world full of opportunities and challenges, promises and perils. The Gospel of Jesus Christ and His Atonement hold the keys for happiness now and happiness eternally"- Nora Nylund

Essentially to me this means that each moment is for my learning and gain. If we are honestly seeking to do good and honestly seeking our divine nature our Father will not let us fail. He knows who we can be and seeks to help us. The pain we feel is but a small moment, though that moment may feel eternal right now. I know our Father loves us and that though we may not receive the answers we want, he does send us peace and peace is worth more than a life plan because life changes everyday. I hope that I can do better at trusting him in the moment, for without my Heavenly Father and without His Son's help I am nothing.